Gimme A David Miscavige Special!

Hustler.DaveGuy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

The bartender takes all of the guy’s money and beats him to a bloody pulp.

*****

Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

The bartender takes all of the guy’s money and gives him a big useless trophy.

*****

Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

The bartender takes all of the guy’s money, screams at him, calls him a criminal, and then kicks him outta the bar for eternity.

*****

Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

The bartender says, “Okay, but foist ya’s gotta pay me $40,000 large for Cornerstone Status .”

*****

Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

The bartender says, “Getoutta here! Dave Miscavige ain’t got nuthin to do with runnin’ this joint! I joke. Seriously, it’s five million dollars.”

*****

Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

The bartender takes all the guy’s money, slaps him around, makes him confess his crimes for a few weeks, and then gives him a fancy certificate.

Your turn….

26 responses to “Gimme A David Miscavige Special!

  1. And the punchline is….?

    Like

  2. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    The bartender drives off, picks up the mans wife and seals her away in a hidden mountain vault guarding titanium plates.

    Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    The bartender takes the mans license scanning it in a computer and then says, “Sorry, we cant serve you because you have a psychiatric history of institutionalization.”

    Like

  3. A guy blows from the bar and David Miscavige spends 10 million dollars on Private Investigators following him making sure he isn’t going to set up another bar and have his friends over for a few drinks!

    Like

  4. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    The bartender says “Of course Sir. That will be $360,000 and I must warn you that you won’t be sessionable for the next 24 hours.”

    Andrew

    Like

  5. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    Bartender beats the man to the floor and kicks him while he’s down and then pours him half a glass of Scotch and says, “Here, drink this, you’ll feel better.”

    Like

  6. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    Bartender gives him Scotch and bitters in a very short glass.

    Like

  7. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special”.
    The Bartender says “Who is David Miscavige?”
    The guy says “look at the DSM IV (or V) Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you will see his picture and life history there; now STFU you CICS and give me my F’n drink.”

    Like

  8. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”
    Bartender brings him a bottle of Macallan 25, an ashtray, a pack of Camel non-filters, and a large folder filled with salacious celebrity confessions.

    Bartender then tells him, “You have until Thursday at 2:00 PM to finish it.”

    Like

  9. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    The bartender goes to take all of the guy’s money and the guy says “the bouncer took it all.” The bartender says “well that bouncer didn’t ask for it standardly, so we need you to go back outside and come in again.”

    The guy says “do I have to pay again?”

    The bartender replies “Coming in here should be free, and I wish it was….”

    Like

  10. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige special.”

    Bartender: “Gimme $25,000 and leave.”

    The Guy: “But I didn’t get a drink yet!”

    Bartender: “That’ll cost you another $25,000.”

    The Guy: “But …”

    Bartender: “Another $25,000.”

    The Guy: “B….”

    Like

  11. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    Bartender says “First you gotta watch these 17 videos”

    Guy watches for 5 minutes and leaves…

    Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    Bartender whips out a 22 page Release and Waiver explaining that you can never tell anyone the “secrets” of Scientology, nor can you EVER criticize David Miscavige, or get your money back.

    Guy reads waiver and leaves…

    Like

  12. Guy walks under a bar and says, “Give me my special!”

    Like

  13. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    He takes one sip and immediately spits it out on the floor. “THERE ARE SEMICOLONS IN THIS???!! WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT YOU TO MAKE A DRINK???”

    Like

  14. Guy walks into a bar and says, Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”
    From there on out, PIs show up every time he attends a birthday party.

    Like

  15. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    Bartender replies, “Certainly sir, just give me $10,000 and fill out this routing form. Once you’ve visited all of the terminals and have been ok’d you’ll get your drink. Shouldn’t take more than an hour or so.”

    Guy says, “Forget about it, I’ll go to the bar down the street. They’re cheaper and you get serviced immediately!”

    Bartender replies, “Oh… a squirrel eh? Let’s see how you feel after a gangbang sec-check!!!”

    Like

  16. Guy walks into a crowded bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    22 wog lawyers leap from their chairs, pounce on the guy, and tell him they’re going to sue him into oblivion and get him sent to prison for attacking their client.

    The guy runs out of the bar in stark terror. Three people with cameras on their heads follow and harass the guy for 25 years.

    Like

  17. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    Bartender says, “Kay. Picture a cat.”

    You say, “Kay.”

    Bartender says, “Who’s looking at it?”

    You say, “I am.”

    30 years later, you find yourself face down in the street with no many and no prospects, no family, and no friends – everything of value that you possess has been taken from you.

    Like

  18. Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!”

    The bartender says, “That will be $360,000 plus $1,000,000 for the trophies.”

    Guy pays and drinks up. His eyes glaze over. He gets a hard fixed dedicated stare and says, “I’m the only one who can help at the scene of an accident.” All the people in the bar gather around him and applaud him for ten seconds and then go back to drinking.

    Like

  19. A guy walks in to a bar and says “Gimme a David Miscavige Special!” The bartender gives him a Pink Squirrel…a warm Pink Squirrel in a dirty glass with a human hair in it.

    Like

  20. A guy walks into a bar and says “Gimmie a David Miscavige Special”
    The barman returns half an hour later with a meal of fresh fish and New Zealand lamb and single malt scotch, and the man was happy!

    Like

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