How to get a convinced Scientologist on the road to donating more to the IAS!

Hustler.Dave

David Miscavige, Grand Exalted Leader of the Church of Scientology

How to get a convinced Scientologist on the road to donating more to the IAS!

Stable Datum: All members of the Church of Scientology have a button on self importance, particularly OT’s and every single person in OSA.

Therefore, we in the IAS use the “self importance” button to soak these idiots appeal to Church parishioners to donate more money:

* It is only your donation that stands between Planetary Salvation and Planetary Destruction!

* COB was just telling us what a magnificent thetan you are. And now COB personally needs a favor from you. He needs you to help him pay the legal bills for a malicious Psych attack that could destroy Scientology!

* You alone are the entire reason the entire Church of Scientology will survive today. Don’t let the group down. Please make a heroic donation.

* Only you can save souls from being lost for eternity. Please donate today to help the IAS keep its Fourth Dynamic Salvage programs going.

* You are a Big Being — and your big beingness can save this planet. Write that check.

* Bob Duggan has a bigger IAS trophy than you do. Are you gonna let Bob get away with outdoing you in status? No, we didn’t think so.

* Grant Cardone: You and Elena are actually far more important to the Scientology religion than Tom Cruise. COB said so. COB needs you and Elena to step up and personally fund the CCHR campaign for Florida. COB needs you to stop the psychiatric drugging of children in Flag’s own backyard! Thanks, you guys are such BiG Beings who are sooooo Theta!

* Bob Duggan: “Bob, COB told us that just being around you completely blows charge for him. Bob, COB knows he can personally count on you and Trish to help him confront and shatter the Fourth Dynamic Engram on this prison planet. When people on this cleared planet look back one hundred years from now they will say, “Thank you Bob and Trish Duggan – and thank you COB!”

9 responses to “How to get a convinced Scientologist on the road to donating more to the IAS!

  1. Tom Cruise, the Third Greatest Scientologist of All Time, was only *one* check away from being hit by a bus. Think about that while you go find your checkbook. Do it now.

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  2. Do you want to spend eternity alone and blinded in the dark and in pain?!? Well that’s what will happen if you don’t fund our IAS campaign to repel the pending Marcabian invasion! You hear that knocking at your door? That’s a fifth invader fleet psych coming for you now boy!

    Dig deep and do your part to fight these evil interstellar psychs! Your future of eternity depends on it! Move up in status today!!!

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  3. Scientology is the bestest religion in the whole wide world. Some religions consider things like pride, greed, gluttony, lust, and envy “deadly sins”; in Scientology, they are sacraments. (So is abortion, but that is another story). Even though you will never have as much money as the Duggins or Cardones, you can feel just as important – even more so – by emptying your bank accounts in the name of planetary clearing. Being bad is more fun than being good and large donations to the IAS also have the salutory effect of removing any guilt that a zealot of some panty waisted religion might experience. So eat, drink, and covet your neighbor’s wife, a large donation to the IAS – especially if you cannot afford it – demonstrates the fact that you are OT and much better than anyone else.

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  4. The whole world is watching to see what you will do-future generations can be saved only if YOU make the right contribution to Scientology. YOU know how much that is, don’t you? Move up in status today-while there still is a today!

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  5. I think it important to identify the reason why the IAS is falling into penury and becoming unable to meet it’s legal bills. It’s not that the wog lawyers, whom Scientology is forced to employ to protect the Church’s religious freedom against the off-world psyches, are rapacious scoundrels who charge $1,000 per hour. That’s no more than a Flag trained auditor would fairly demand to lift parishioners from the mud and guarantee their spiritual eternity.

    The real problem is that COB is in the wrong valence. He needs to shed his ‘Mr Nice Guy’ image and ensure that public Scientologists are subject to the same stern ecclesiastical discipline as the Sea Org and Staff. That would ensure that they stopped making excuses for their reluctance to move up in status by pretending they can’t afford it. Of course they can, what use is money other than to ensure one doe not spend the next trillion years shivering in agonized darkness.

    Throw away the Mother Teresa image, COB. Your parishioners deserve better. Bruises heal and they will eventually be grateful that you care so much about their spiritual well-being that you are willing to physically chastise them for their parsimony.

    Andrew

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    • Well said Andrew; reasonableness is a mortal sin.

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    • Finally! Andrew is a gung ho Scientologist who fully duplicates COB and doesn’t have HE&R on the need for harsh ecclesiastical discipline and doesn’t have anything on wasting publics.

      Factually, anyone who is not dedicated enough to be in the Sea Org should be glad to go bankrupt for the greatest good.

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  6. Oooh look….OT power on display….talk about self importance, hello…

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  7. Re: “It is only your donation that stands between…

    … Mr. David Miscavige… and… violence in the church.”

    http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1004/02/acd.01.html

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