Church of Scientology to Attack and Beat Random People as an Exercise of Free Speech

Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today announced a new Church policy whereby roving gangs of Scientology parishioners will, “Suddenly and without warning pounce upon and attack and beat unsuspecting random people on the streets as an exercise of the religious rights of Scientologists.”

“A core doctrine of our religious faith, ” Delusion explained, “is that the public at large must be kept in a perpetual state of abject fear and terror about what the Church of Scientology could do to them if they dare to criticize or attack us.”

“But what has happened in the past few years,” Delusion remarked, “is that the public is no longer sufficiently terrified of either the Church of Scientology or our Stasi-like terror unit known as OSA.”

“If anything,” Delusion lamented, “the Church of Scientology is now widely viewed as a joke, or rather, it has become the butt of jokes and the target of the worst sort of ridicule and criminal Joking and Degrading — all of which has been made possible by the secret Psych funding flowing out of Switzerland, the seat of all Psych perfidy.”

“The decree from Emperor Miscavige the Imperious to all SP’s is therefore clear and unequivocal: The fun and games are over!”

“The Church is going on the offensive and will begin exercising its Free Speech by beating everyone who criticizes it online. Once the real SP’s are handled, the beatings of complete strangers to this fight will commence.”

“The beatings will be widespread and random and thus serve our purpose to re-instill a sense of fear  and terror of the Church of Scientology back into the general Wog populace,” Delusion commented.

“The Scientology Religious Beatings will begin today,” Delusion announced. “And if our victims try to sue us or have us criminally charged, we will hit them with an anti-SLAPP lawsuit!  The fun and games are over!”

Church of Scientology parishioners are headed your way to dish out the distinctive Scientology brand of Free Speech! Let this serve as a warning to all SP’s who would mock the Church or it’s leader Emperor Miscavige the Imperious!

22 replies »

  1. WHAT! This has GOT to be a joke! If Mr. Delusion honestly thinks that the Church of Scientology is now viewed as a joke and is the target of ridicule and J and D, then it is Mr. Delusion who is deluded and not the Church. Using arcane words like “perfidy” only adds to my argument that he is on the side of delusion.

    The Church of Scientology is and always has been a fantastic organization, dedicated to pseudo science and having people hypnotize themselves into believing mystifying science fiction stories. Yes, I firmly believe that it is Mr. Delusion who is the one who is deluded and not the Church of Scientology.


    • Johnny L., nothing in Scientology is mystifying; it is rather confidential. People who have not availed themselves of our miraculous word clearing technology are prone to confusions between that which is confidential as opposed to that which is only, or merely, mystifying. While the latter unravels in session, the former can only be delivered on the Flagship. Thus, “Truth Revealed” can only be known when one is invited to the ship at the invitation of Mr. David Miscavige.

      Then again, what is mystifying is the fact Mr. Miscavige would be named in lawsuits when the evidence, and the Church’s own Affirmations, clearly indicates that the Church itself runs Fair Game operations. Factually, as the legal record begins to concretize, the record will show that the Church is evil and that Mr. Miscavige and we in RTC are good.

      Therefore, given that the Church is to blame for all of the bad PR, it follows that Church parishioners are to blame — whereupon it becomes evident to even the casual observer that the green and red vols should not be entrusted to the very parishioners who have brought shame upon their own Church and, while doing so, have allowed the internet, bitter defrocked apostates, and SP’s to pin the blame upon Mr. Miscavige when he himself is blameless and without stain – a lamb of God as it were.

      Mr. Miscavige and we in RTC are spotless and above reproach. The Church is filthy, pleads guilty, and will pay damages if and when it’s anti-SLAPP motion is thrown out by the wog courts.

      Oh and the Church is also wrong for shipping the giant circus tent to Clearwater only to find that it is too large. The Church also sawed down those two trees, an act to which we in RTC objected. However, as we do not run the Church and concern ourselves only with ecclesiastical matters, there was nothing we could do. Looks like Church rogues at work again!


      • Well of course the Church is evil and you in RTC are good. That’s a given. I would be a fool not to see that! Mr. Miscavige is unblemished, without stain, pristine and above reproach – a Lamb of God is an excellent way to describe him.

        It is people like Ken Delusion who upset me. His unsubstantiated statement that the Church of Scientology is now widely viewed as a joke is actually beyond delusion – it is out and out sacrilege. This man must be stopped! Eating slop and cowering under a desk in a double wide is too good for him.


      • Johnny L., we in RTC agree that Ken Delusion can be both woggy and bankish. However, as neither COB nor we in RTC manage the Church nor have any say so over it’s actions, there is nothing we can do about it. We say this for one reasons: Ever since the Garcia and Rathbun cases have become menacing to COB RTC David Miscavige and we in RTC, it has become vitally important that no one in RTC be seen as having any control over the Church.


    • Delusions are intertwined in the very fiber of Scientology going back to the first days of the founder. Ken’s grandfather Eeza was with the founder from the first days of Diantetics right through to the final days in the Blue Bird. Ken’s father Eeza Delusion II, his brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all part of the Delusion clan. Most reside at Int, although quite a few moved to Clearwater working hard for the past 15 years on Super Power and GAT II.

      When COB needs a miracle, he calls on a Delusion to get the job done.

      So please be careful casting aspersions towards Ken. He is a proud member of Scientology’s First Family – the Delusions.


      • Thanks for the background on the Delusions of Scientology, whostolemycog. I appreciate that! I’m just finding it really difficult to accept the fact that I will have to cringe like a whipped dog every time a Scientologist passes me on the street.


  2. These comments are hurtful and unhelpful.
    As Scientologists our only aim is to save the planet, in a peaceful manner using violence occasionally when it is required. I, David Miscavige am the most humble and caring person, I am generous to a fault and and misunderstood by the rest of the world. Secretly I give every cent to good causes such as maintenance of my sunbed, massages and regularly photoshopping my image on pictures appearing on the internet. In reality my height is 6’3, yes 6’3. Being a modest man I never boast my height because other people feel inferior to me, and this is why my images are shooped to make me appear smaller.
    Let us help you rid yourselves of entheta and money, your lives will be enriched by Scientology in ways you cannot imagine. By the time you reach
    OTV111 you will have learned to sail over bridges!


  3. Fun and games are over indeed. Fleet Admiral Miscaviage again has the kind of cognition the rest of us can only dream about.

    His motto with Int staff remains to this day: “Let the beatings continue until morale improves!”. This was the key secret behind the straight up and vertical growth of Scientology over the past 25 years. No one knows this better than those closest to Admiral Miscaviage over the years. They have the bruises to prove it.

    Expanding the use of the ecclesiastical beating as a tool of dissemination for spreading the word of Scientology to the uninitiated is nothing short of genius. A new respect will grow. It will be the same nervous laughter looking around to see if anyone is looking respect that Islam already has, but I believe Emperor DM realizes Islam is a just crazy 2nd cousin to Scientology. He will not settle for less than a “Those mofo’s are crazy…don’t fcuk with ’em” kind of respect.”

    Using Islam’s “No joking and degrading of the prophet permitted ever” as an example, Emperor Miscaviage aims to put ethics in on the world’s populace whether they want it or not.

    Get ready world….KSW is headed to your town soon.


  4. Oh, I’d love too see them try that in the eco-pagan-gluten-free, bicycle-nazi inner neighborhoods of Portland; let alone the rural areas surrounding Portland! I better get my popcorn popped and a bottle of micro-brew to watch the carnage!


  5. So, this means if i yell “Scientology Sucks!” outside the Portland Morgue, there’s gonna be a goon-squad armed with truncheons, black jacks and baseball bats coming after me? LOL! LOL! LOL!


    • As a result of just postulating on-line as you have, it is possible a group of Church of Scientology parishioners are headed your way to dish out their distinctive Scientology brand of Free Speech. 😉


  6. “Mr. Miscavige and we in RTC are spotless and above reproach. The Church is filthy, pleads guilty, and will pay damages if and when it’s anti-SLAPP motion is thrown out by the wog courts.”

    Very well done, OTVIIIisGrrr8!
    RTC and Mr. Miscavige in all their ecclesiastical purity prevail yet again!

    As the filthy church is already crunching under the wheels of the bus where Mr. Miscavige has thrown it, I am rather interested in reading said Church’s Holy Scriptures (NOT Mr. Miscavige’s, or any of the other many illustrious Board Members of RTC, heavens no!). I’m particularly interested in documents regarding the Sacrament of the Holy Squirrel Busters; The Sacrament of the Ecclesiastical Dildo; and the Ritual of the Three Private Eyes in a Car.
    I’m sure Mr. Miscavige knows nothing of these things, since he is so very busy opening Ideal Orgs for his millions of parishioners, as well as supervising the interior decoration of the Clearwater Double-Wide tents.
    Praise be to him.


  7. Well, it’s about fucking time. Becoming an ex-scientologist quickly led me to become as anti-scientologist, but then seeing the church getting the shit kicked out of them all the time and on every front really stirred up my love of the underdog, and I got all pissed off and confused, and I’m ready to reclaim the mantle of homo novus, temporarily; only to make it interesting. Point me in the general direction of some random motherfucker, and I’m going to take his goddamn head off. Hail Xenu, bitches! (I needed to throw in that last bit so that I could include all major curse words in a single post. ***bows deeply***)


  8. My neighbour is a complete ass,his dog barks,he doesnt mow his lawn and plays god awful music 24/7.I am convinced he is an SP.Please send me some goons er i mean high OT’s to help pound some ethics into him(if you know what i mean)I promise to buy a copy of dianetics in return.Thanking you in advance.
    Pissed neighbour/Fan of Sci fi ponzi schemes.


    • 4chanpartyvan, given that you are a “neighbour/Fan of Sci fi ponzi schemes” may we suggest that you become a Scientology FSM?

      An FSM “Field Staff Member” sells Scientology goods and services to his or her family, friends, and complete strangers. In return, an FSM receives a hefty cut of the action, typically 15%. You seem to be very persuasive and you could make more money conning people for Scientology working for us as opposed to the modest stipend Big Pharma pays you.

      As for your neighbor, why yes, you should go over there right now and put in his Ethics “COB style.” Which is to say hit, kick, punch, and choke him while screaming that he SCOHB.


  9. What do you mean “is going on the offensive”? I thought the whole idea is that $cientology IS offensive… as well as obnoxious, obscene, obstreporous, overweening, obsessive-compulsive, &c.


  10. I just got the crap kicked out of me by three guys. When I asked if they were Scientologists exercising their freedom of speech they responded by saying “Hell no, we might be white punks on dope but we do have some standards.”


    • Do you think you can lead us to these three ruffians so we ask them if they want to join RTC? No offense to you, and we are sorry you were beaten, but we do need some aggressive staff members. We can clean them up in Narconon, so the drug thing is no problem.


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