Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today announced a new Church policy whereby roving gangs of Scientology parishioners will, “Suddenly and without warning pounce upon and attack and beat unsuspecting random people on the streets as an exercise of the religious rights of Scientologists.”
“A core doctrine of our religious faith, ” Delusion explained, “is that the public at large must be kept in a perpetual state of abject fear and terror about what the Church of Scientology could do to them if they dare to criticize or attack us.”
“But what has happened in the past few years,” Delusion remarked, “is that the public is no longer sufficiently terrified of either the Church of Scientology or our Stasi-like terror unit known as OSA.”
“If anything,” Delusion lamented, “the Church of Scientology is now widely viewed as a joke, or rather, it has become the butt of jokes and the target of the worst sort of ridicule and criminal Joking and Degrading — all of which has been made possible by the secret Psych funding flowing out of Switzerland, the seat of all Psych perfidy.”
“The decree from Emperor Miscavige the Imperious to all SP’s is therefore clear and unequivocal: The fun and games are over!”
“The Church is going on the offensive and will begin exercising its Free Speech by beating everyone who criticizes it online. Once the real SP’s are handled, the beatings of complete strangers to this fight will commence.”
“The beatings will be widespread and random and thus serve our purpose to re-instill a sense of fear and terror of the Church of Scientology back into the general Wog populace,” Delusion commented.
“The Scientology Religious Beatings will begin today,” Delusion announced. “And if our victims try to sue us or have us criminally charged, we will hit them with an anti-SLAPP lawsuit! The fun and games are over!”
Church of Scientology parishioners are headed your way to dish out the distinctive Scientology brand of Free Speech! Let this serve as a warning to all SP’s who would mock the Church or it’s leader Emperor Miscavige the Imperious!