Unimportant “Red and Green Vols” Removed from Course Rooms at Flag

Taking a break from the whirlwind of legal challenges which he is heroically fending off, COB RTC David Miscavige recently conducted an inspection tour of Flag Land Base.

During his inspection, COB repeatedly spotted sets of books in course rooms that he never authorized to be there.

Red.Vols“What are these green and red sets of books?” COB asked Church PR Ken Delusion who was accompanying him.

“Sir, these are the Founder’s Tech and Admin volumes,” Delusion replied.

“Well I don’t recall authorizing Flag to place these books in course rooms!,” COB tersely responded.

“Get rid of them now!”

And with that, the red and green volumes disappeared from Flag course rooms.

Speaking today on this matter,  Ken Delusion issued a statement in which he declared, “We have COB to thank for the timely and necessary removal of all that ‘old red and green Dev-T clutter’ from Flag course rooms. COB has replaced those dusty old books with beautiful new GAT II course packs. All of the so-called ‘red and green’ that COB deems necessary for Scientology parishioners to know will be in these course packs. Carry on!”

Following Delusion’s statement, senior Flag Tech terminal Davis Jackinov relayed COB’s additional orders:

* Bridge Publications may no longer sell the red and green volumes, this to prevent them from being used improperly or falling into the hands of squirrels. Go and look at the BPI site and you will see that it has been swept clean of the red and green volumes. In any case, what is more important is that every Scientologist complete his or her Basics immediately in order to be ready for GAT II.

* As COB RTC David Miscavige has nothing to do with running the Church of Scientology, no one at Flag Land Base may speak the name of David Miscavige. This is very urgent as COB needs to create a great deal of distance between himself and the Church in as short a time as possible.

* Super Power is now classified as ‘lost Tech” as it appears to be missing or absent. Any Scientologist who spots Super Power is ordered to call Davis Jakinov at the Flag Land Base immediately to report its whereabouts.

With these new improvements, Planetary Clearing is now more real than ever!

Come to Flag today!

14 responses to “Unimportant “Red and Green Vols” Removed from Course Rooms at Flag

  1. Red and green symbolize Christmas, a holiday of those slave owning Christians that LRH, the soldier of light, will free the world of when the Marcabians return. So yes, you should get rid of them. I think black and orange, the colors of Halloween (witches, goblins) are more appropriate.

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  2. Davis Jakinov – LOL

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  3. Next logical step: Cancel the post “COB” as unimportant and only background.

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  4. Seriously? I know this is satire but it rings true…..

    Interesting though that sometimes the tech is green and sometimes red. Where i use it, secularly, it is at a cross over point. I call it purple because if you mix green and red I think that’s what you get?

    Hmmm.

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    • OT8, CSI’s lawyers in Texas are saying that COB merely handles license filings and is not the head of CSI, or have anything to do with it. That was not my impression from reading this site.

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    • Actually, Stratmaster, when red and green are combined you get BROWN. Yes, the color of BLUE is needed to turn red into purple, not green. Buy some food coloring & try it yourself! Or, use crayons or colored pencils.

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  5. Christmas will never be the same without red and green… (sigh)

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  6. The lack of Green volumes makes a certain amount of sense. A given staff member, after years of study of all the Hubbard “Management Tech” is utterly incompetent and unable to perform their job even when they have read through the Green volumes and all sorts of “hat packs” for their job. Because of this, COB has to do everything in Scientology himself anyway. So COB correctly reasons that if he gets rid of the Green Volumes, people won’t have an excuse to spend a year or two reading all that turgid prose. They can just go directly to work and be as incompetent as they already are, but a year or two sooner! That sort of productivity management is a hallmark of why Scientology expansion is straight up and vertical…

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    • For a wog, you certainly have a keen grasp of COB’s very precise reasoning on this matter in the short term. Long term, however, COB will be re-releasing updated and corrected new red and green vols in a few years, possibly 2018. These greatly improved red and green vols will have enhancements such as GPS tracking and SP proof inks.

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  7. David St Lawrence aka oldauditor

    Are you saying that the Red and Green volumes will reappear when the semicolons have been removed and the faithful have forgotten that they ever existed?

    We marvel at COB’s marketing genius. He has truly mastered the art of putting old wine in new bottles!

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  8. They will reappear when you give COB more money.

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