“Psychiatry’s sixty-three year nonstop campaign of terror against the Church of Scientology has sunk to a new low!” exclaimed Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion at an emergency press conference held today at the recently redecorated Flag Land Base.
“Agents of Big Pharma plied COB’s twin sister Denise Miscavige Gentile with alcohol disguised as a tropical fruit drink, after which they planted drugs in her automobile,” Delusion cogently explained.
“Whereupon, while Denise was involuntarily intoxicated, the Psychs used implanted PDH commands into her which caused her to jam on the gas pedal of her Dodge Durango and almost crash into a passing ambulance that was part of the frame up job!”
“A waiting police car hidden nearby sprang the trap and Denise Miscavige Gentile was arrested for driving under the influence and possession of marijuana.”
“All charges are expected to be dropped,” Delusion assured the public, “Once the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office understands this was a classic PDH entrapment scam run on poor Denise by the Psychs.”
“COB RTC David Miscavige acted quickly to ensure that his twin sister and fellow Scientologist and IAS member received the finest legal representation possible when he put the hoity-toity wog law firm of Zuckerman Spaeder on the case,” Delusion remarked.
Delusion noted that, “COB has additionally stepped in to ensure that OT Denise Miscavige Gentile receives the finest Flag auditing possible to help her with the massive DUI engram laid in by the alcohol, contact marijuana fumes, and the arrest.”
“COB suspects that Denise’s wog tenants are the hidden SP’s in this Psych caper,” Delusion solemnly intoned.
“COB cares so very much,” Delusion said in closing, “and you can show COB how very much you care by generously donating today to the Denise Miscavige Gentile Criminal Defense Fund.”