Church of Scientology Set to Nab the Kardashian’s and Kanye West!

For internal distribution to Scientologists only!

We in RTC recently got a KR concerning the tabloids blathering on about how Kyle Jenner is studying Scientology with Jaden Smith, the son of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith.

Kyle Jenner is the stepsister of Kim Kardashian, the wog celebutard who is now pregnant with Kanye West’s baby.

What all of this means is that, yes, we in RTC have ordered the Scientology Celebrity Center International to go and bag the Church some new raw meat wog celebrities.

Sure, Bruce and Kris Jenner will probably be a pair of nattery old List 1 Rockslammers, but we in RTC can order them onto TR’s and Objectives and sec checks forever while we focus on using Kanye West and Kim Kardashian in Church of Scientology PR!

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West show off their love in New York City

Part of what we in the Church of Scientology need is to flush Will and Jada Pinkett Smith out into the open as Scientologists. They have been in the closet too long and now we in RTC need to drag them kicking and screaming into the open so that the public knows that, yes, they are Scientologists and that POW! they get huge wins everyday from auditing!

If things proceed as planned, the Kardashian’s will become a Scientology-based reality show with Kanye West thrown into the mix. This allows our wog PR expert Mike Sitrick to launch his in-your-face “How Does Scientology Seem to You Now, Bitch??” campaign just as COB RTC David Miscavige opens Super Power.

Bitch

And to make it all a gigantic Scientology trifecta of win, COB RTC David Miscavige will personally order all of the beautiful needy celebrities out there to follow the Kardashian’s into the Ideal Orgs and suddenly *BAM!* Scientology will be fashionable again. There will be a Scientology Renaissance wherein the Orgs boom with celebrities followed by commoners who join the Sea Org just to be in this ideal scene!

COB will turn everything around for the better with this new Celebrity Offensive! Trust we in RTC on this. There is no need to leave the Church or read critical websites. Everything will be okay if you just keep believing in COB! The IAS also needs your cash donations know more than ever to fund this new Celebrity Offensive.

Scientology 2013: If things go as planned, we will be back on top! We will finally get even with all of the SP’s for the many bad years and black eyes they have given the Church. That is COB’s promise to all loyal Scientologists for keeping the faith. This new Celebrity project is a wonder weapon that will turn the war around by shattering suppression globally once and for all!

And yes, we in the Church of Scientology are definitely after Justin Bieber and that is why we made sure Scientologist Will Smith was there when Justin was melting down in London!

Scientologists in L.A.: Keep those KR’s coming to we in RTC. The KR you write today may be the Scientology celebrity of tomorrow!

10 responses to “Church of Scientology Set to Nab the Kardashian’s and Kanye West!

  1. I wouldn’t follow Kayne West to anything. Least of all to any thing doing with the Kardashians. Why don’t you get Michael Fairman back?

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  2. I get it OTVIII. Kim buys Kanye a $950,000 car, Kanye buys Kim’s mom a $200,000 car, and fills Kim’s closet with a new designer “look”. Clearly a bunch of money and a bunch of fools. You know how the saying goes about that. So why shouldn’t you in the RTC get a piece?

    But focusing on the underage, about-to-be-barely-legal members of the family is the wrong approach! It’s a little too true to the “source”, and we all know what happened to him. OTVIII, you should just blow, and distance yourselves in the RTC from this as much as possible.

    Just let me know how I can help, you know the CV loves you…

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    • CV, we in RTC do not have blow thoughts. You must have us confused with those idiots in OSA.

      LOL.

      But seriously, no, we plan to recruit the Kardashian’s, Kanye West, and Justin Bieber into the Church of Scientology.

      COB ordered Admiral Tom Cruise to personally handle this project in conjunction with Will Smith. And yes, we hope to get Justin into Narconon, this assuming his people are not reading any of the contrived stories in the wog media about Narconon.

      To expand upon this project, COB’s think here is not just celebrities, but it is on his own personal experience as a loser in a wog high school who could never get a date with a girl.

      COB wants to reach out to all the losers out there and show them that they can have a 2D if they join the Church of Scientology and become Scientologists.

      As we in RTC covered in our previous post Scientology Singles in Search of Romance, there are many needy and nerdy Scientologists to whom this whole Kardashian thing will sell as it holds out the promise, or at least a false hope on a par with the OT levels, that they can finally get laid. We hate to be so blunt about it, but the data is the data.

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  3. I think Kris Jenner has more original ideas and business savvy than LRH. Also, they won’t be hiring Slappy Miscavige to run things. People are free to criticize the Kardashians if they please, without fair game or disconnection, as you have just done. And, most importantly, their interior design beats the oiliness room any day.

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  4. I am impressed that you keep up with the Kardashians – well done. I suspect that it’s you who is encouraging the Bieber to go into Rehab. A Narconon facility, no doubt.

    You said here on your pope post the other day here that you had plans to lobotomize the troll who is Ziontologist/Bob/BM/ – has that been arranged yet? Do you get a group rate for the number of socks you wear? Could you include the Bieber, Lindsay Lohan, the Smiths and the Kardashians, too?

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    • @jgg2012: The Founder thought too narrowly about celebrities. He was focused only on staid and boring celebrities like Walter Winchell who had it all together.

      COB has decided to focus on highly dysfunctional celebrities and largely uneducated celebrities such as the Kardashian’s who are nevertheless proven moneymakers as they appeal to all of the degraded beings out there in Woglandia.

      After trying to be high-minded for decades, the Church is changing its strategy. Instead of social betterment groups, we will gradually shift our PR to emphasize what this degraded wog culture really wants: Sex, easy money, and glamor. We will use our PR to imply that all of these can be yours if you become a Scientologist.

      Of course, once you are in the Church it’s WHAM! Your ethics are slammed in harder than a mule kicking you in the face. Once we lure people in, it becomes business as usual.

      As the Church of Scientology’s many decades of experience in these matters have shown, witless wogs fall for acceptable truths. That is a stable datum, and, it makes Scientology a great deal of money!

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    • Anonymoose, just to be clear we in RTC never said that we were going to have Zionologist lobotomized.

      What we said was that we would not oppose the State lobotomizing Zionologist.

      We in RTC therefore recommend that Zionologist’s detractors have him or her declared mentally insane by the State.

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  5. OT8, Kris Jenner is understandably concerned about Kylie being exposed to the study tech developed by a man who had a D average in his 1-1/2 years of college. The Kardashians are much too intelligent for Scientology, and their careers are doing fine without networking at the celebrity center with D-listers. This should be quite a cat fight.

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  6. WhoStolemyCog?

    COB is finally starting to think outside the box. Kanye obviously has a large amount of confront and fistfuls of cash. Co$ is not exactly a “rainbow” coalition. The founder lacks street cred. COB needs $$$. We need Mr. West’s fail. Xenu knows he already has a new posse of crazy white people.

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