Angry Gay Cardinals in the Vatican

The matter had been settled weeks ago: COB RTC David Miscavige was to become the new Pope of the Catholic Church. Papal vestments were made and plans were drawn up for a ceremony, etc.

But then what happened is that the cabal of Angry Gay Cardinals who apparently run the Vatican  began to backflash COB and put sabotage on his lines.

COB RTC David Miscavige had made it clear to these Angry Gay Cardinals that one of his first tasks as the new Pope would be to bring the Sistine Chapel up to Ideal Org standards.

As it now stands, the Sistine Chapel is nothing but an R6 implant station with some gaudy wog mural on the ceiling and walls. Awash in the tone level of propitiation, this mural in the Sistine Chapel depicts homo saps begging a mocked up R6 God for mercy — as if God is the why!

Sistine-Chapel2

To rid the Vatican of the tone level of propitiation and its endless and futile why finding, COB ordered this mural to be sandblasted off the walls by a Sea Org crew and replaced with a new and more inspirational mural entitled The Stations of COB, a panorama of victorious and planetary-changing scenes from the life of COB such as tax exemption, the Golden Age of Tech, arbitraries cancelled, and the release of the Basics.

The Angry Gay Cardinals immediately began to backflash and were completely Counter Intention to COB. These dramatizing psychotics began to put sabotage on COB’s lines. For example, while COB slept, an unseen and diabolical agent of the Angry Gay Cardinals took one of COB’s shoes and swapped it out with an identical shoe that was 1/2 size smaller. This intrigue was designed to cripple COB as he walked the Vatican in preparation for his coronation as Pope.

COB also wanted to move most of the Vatican treasures and gold stash to the RTC office building in San Jacinto, California but then the College of Cardinals ridged on this and said everything had to stay in the Vatican where it does COB no good.

COB wanted to rip out that monstrosity of an altar in St. Peter’s Basilica:

vatican1

COB wanted to to replace this hideous Psych altar with a sweeping and oversize duplicate of the Super Power lobby so that Catholics would know that the new message of Catholicism was to do their Scientology Bridge.

Below is seen COB’s beatific new vision for St. Peter’s and it is amazing! When you see it’s POW! Get into session and start winning!

vatican1

COB was actually going to give the honor to the Vatican of being christened as “Flag Land Base II Rome.” But no, the Angry Gay Cardinals went into their group engram and began plotting and intrigue.

“They are so wog,” COB RTC David Miscavige said to his staff. This was acked by his staffers:

“Definitely wog sir.”

“They are all 1.1 DB’s sir, all totally wog.”

“The Angry Gay Cardinals are backflashing you sir. They are totally CI.”

Having concluded that the Catholic church is totally wog and beyond the salvation of the Scientology religion, COB declined to be the new Pope and boarded his private plane for the journey back to the Sanity that is the Church of Scientology.

15 responses to “Angry Gay Cardinals in the Vatican

  1. This has to be one of your best posts yet! “bring the Sistine Chapel up to Ideal Org standards” – that’s freaking classic.

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  2. How much drywall is required to bring the Sistine Chapel up to “Ideal Org standards?”

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    • Drywall? How gauche. COB will have nothing of the sort. Only titanium plates left over from the Golden Age of Scientology Boondoggles will suffice.

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    • And how many burlwood pens?

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    • Global Capitalism HQ asks: “How much drywall is required to bring the Sistine Chapel up to ‘Ideal Org standards?'” The answer is 790,851,607 sheets of drywall are needed to bring not just the Sistine Chapel, but the entire Vatican up to Ideal Org standards.

      Mr. David Miscavige, Chairman of the Board of the Religious Technology Centers believes very strongly in drywall and other building products. For instance, he is very fond of concrete, nails, and putting safety bars on all windows and doors in order to protect the occupants from marauders.

      And yes, that nasty spike fence at Gold Base was put there to protect any occupants from actually doing anything about blow thoughts.

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  3. Well, I don’t know. The Vatican has 1,000 permanent residents, far more than any of the orgs have.

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  4. And, I’m sure the Vatican’s Oiliness table was not up to COB’s standards.

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  5. I’m confused about one thing. The Pope can’t be married, but supposedly COB is still married to Shelly, who is on post at the Sea Org and very much alive.

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  6. Now COB David Miscavige knows how Conan O’Brien feels. The Cardinals and Leno, bastards.

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    • They are all bastards.

      And as COB said in a memo to the Sea Org: “Beware of the Angry Gay Cardinals in the Vatican!”

      To show there are no hard feelings, COB shipped a leatherbound set of the Basics to Pope Francis COD.

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  7. this is the funniest shit i’ve ever read! i love your mind.

    Like

  8. Pingback: David Miscavige Personally Inspects Dirty Men’s Restrooms | OTVIIIisGrrr8!

  9. Pingback: Angry Gay Cardinals in the Vatican OTVIIIisGrrr8 | Vatican Report

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