“We in the Church of Scientology are suing East Grinstead for the right to keep dumping St. Hill’s raw sewage into local streams and waterways,” said St. Hill spokesman Reverend Reginald Stenchworthy.

“This is what Scientology does: We dump raw sewage into the lives of our parishioners and the world itself. If people don’t like what we do then we shall sue the shite of them! This is the essence of Scientology!”

“The Freewinds dumps sewage in Bonaire; St. Hill dumps in East Grinstead; and the Church of Scientology International dumps Ideal Orgs all over the place. The unwashed wog public will just have to deal with it!” roared Reverend Stenchworthy.

“Now on the other hand, burning Scientology books in a gigantic conflagration is a blasphemous and compulsively exhibitionist Nazi-Satanic activity that will surely lead to WWIII. And that is why the Reverend Pat Harney has had to protest this activity in the strongest possible terms in a tersely-written letter,” noted Reverend Stenchworthy.