COB’s Trifecta of Technology!

commisarWe in RTC are pleased to announce that all of our yesterdays of misapplication, misduplication, misemotion, and yes, misspent decades due to arbitraries have been wholly blown away in a day, and that was the day COB conceived his stroke of genius, his Trifecta of Technology, and by that we unmistakably mean Ideal Orgs, GAT II, and the new ultra-precise Mark Ultra VIII E-Meter.


jesus-calls-wallpapersWhereupon, we mean what we say: These planetary-changing marvels are epochal in nature, which is to say that, yes, they herald the EP of 50,000 years of thinking men who longed for truth but could not attain it due to R6 implants and so, yes, even Jesus and Buddha can finally go free in their present lifetimes. They can go free of the 75,000,000 year old catastrophe and finally attain the states of Clear and OT.


annie carolineWe invite Jesus and Buddha, wherever they are in the present lifetimes, to head to their nearest Ideal Org and declare, “I Want to GO OT!” Of course, they will first “go Life Repair” to sort out their deep personal problems and implants.

We in RTC look forward to hearing the success stories of Jesus and Buddha from the stage of Flag very soon — and we say very soon because, with all stops and barriers blown away by COB, Scientologists are rocketing up the Bridge in record times in direct ratio to the speed by which they increase their IAS Patron statuses.

15 replies »

  1. C’mon OTVIII, everyone here knows that Jesus was just an R6 implant. “There was no Christ,” as LRH used to say.

    Ah, but Buddha, now he’s different. He has been back and was even written about in that 1955 masterpiece “Hymn of Asia.” I can’t remember exactly who the latest and most powerful incarnation of Buddha was, although I do remember this quote from the book, “The most specific wording of this prediction in Buddhist literature states that 2,500 years after Buddha a red-haired or golden-haired man would arise in the West to complete the job Buddha began.”

    Now if we can just figure out who they are talking about here . . . Perhaps your readers would know.


  2. “Misspent” adroitly captures the essence of COB’s trifecta of technology, but it wasn’t decades we were thinking of…$$$$$$$


  3. I have an elderly neighbor named Siddhartha Gotama. He hasn’t aged in the 10 years since I’ve met him. I think this is one of the guys you are looking for. He’s always asking me for help with his computer problems and is widely known for not cleaning up after his dog. I can make like his computer needs special attention and drop him off at the nearest Ideal Org, but, unfortunately, in my city and outlying suburbs of almost 3 million people, the closest Ideal Org is hundreds of miles away. So, I will consult Rev. Chad Lane to start fund raising to get him on a bus and into the closest IO. All praise DM


  4. This comment could be considered “breaking the fourth wall” in a sense, but I really don’t care. You’ve simply gone too far this time, OTVIIIisgreat. This may be funny, but it isn’t funny at all. You are making a mockery of religious figures by posting images/depictions of them for the sole purpose of supporting your silly, blasphemous jokes. It’s an insult that these images are being used at all, but their use in this context and, in fact, this entire story is downright sickening. There ought to be an internet law banning this disturbing behavior. And to hell with the First Amendment: this fashion of religious discrimination should be illegal in all 50 States.

    Remember all the trouble that Dutch man caused with his depiction of the prophet Muhammed in his silly cartoon? I’m really surprised you don’t receive similar backlash for this, because you are doing exactly the same thing. You are intentionally trying to offend deeply devout, decent people and I cannot stand for it anymore. I will have to sit down.

    You need to understand that labeling your work as satire does not grant you license to blatantly insult anyone or everyone of any particular faith or belief. Unlike many others, I make an attempt to view the world’s art, literature and internet hijinks not only through my own lens, but as though I am seeing it from the viewpoint of other peoples from different cultures and backgrounds. So while I find their beliefs laughable, I do recognize this to be offensive and extremely disrespectful to Thetans. I demand that you take down the photo and remove every mention of COB RTC IMMEDIATELY. However, I have no problem with the inclusion of nor the images of the bearded guy and the shiny fat guy.


      • I would kneel down and pray before the picture of Jesus so that He may turn the other two pictures into sheets of toilet paper. If that doesn’t work, then screw it, I’m stuck in the middle of the desert. Who’s going to know or care that I smell like shit?


    • Being from Denmark I´m proud to say, the guy who made cartoons of Mohammed was Danish. Well…..proud?&%#=???? It certainly put Denmark on the map, with the whole Arab world running amok, burning Danish flags and pictures of the Danish prime minister and business with the Arab world going down, down, down. Maybe drawing cartoons of other peoples´ prophets isn´t such a good idea?!

      Should be an important lesson for anyone ever contemplating making silly cartoons of COB……….with his thousands of lawyers and hundreds of millions of followers going berserk across the planet!


      • You are correct Birgit, the cartoons were published in Denmark. My apologies! I confused that controversy with the Dutch anti-Islamic short-film controversy that occurred a few years later. Apparently the cartoons were shown (without permission) in the film as well.


    • Jimbo, your replies are so killer that I must paraphrase my friend Moarxenu: “Your posts are so lulzy that I can’t even.”


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