“COB will soon release OT IX and OT X,” enthused Dr. Frank Wonderman, the Executive Director of OT Nirvana Services at Flag Land Base.
“And by way of lifting the curtain on Eternity to give Scientology parishioners a sneak peak at these miraculous levels, COB has authorized me to share the following:
“OT IX: Freedom and the Ability to Serve. On this level, a being discovers that Truth is the freedom and ability to serve the most Ethical Group on the Planet, the Church of Scientology. New OT IX’s therefore sign a 5 year staff contract. While on staff, OT’s are subjected to brutal work conditions, sleep deprivation, screaming, and, yes, routine “POW!* ecclesiastical beatings that they deserve and, factually, pulled in.”
“Not to feed future staff members a cog, but the EP of OT IX involves going into the valence of a criminal suppressive, going PTS Type III, and then blowing staff in order to make COB and the Church wrong.
“And yet, as we have pointed out in Why Do You Hate COB? the only reason anyone hates COB is because they secretly hate themselves.”
“Therefore, OT IX is about discovering the Self-Hate that lies hidden at the very bottom — and indeed it is the reason for amnesia on the wholetrack: The thetan does not want to know that he hates himself.”
“Thus, he mocks up an aberrated forgettingness, calls it amnesia, and then promptly attacks COB and the Church of Scientology — and this Self-Hatred is what is actually hidden underneath the internet in Node 666.”
“Hence, when one attains the EP of OT IX they are in a DANGER ZONE!”
“And this is why,” Dr. Wonderman emphasized, “All new and existing staff members must sign the new Non-Disparagement Agreement whereby they agree not to disparage COB, the Church, or the Founder when they attain the EP of OT IX and blow.
“Properly understood, the new Non-Disparagement Agreement is purely designed to keep OT IX’s safe from being declared SP’s when they are in the DANGER ZONE between OT IX and OT X.”
“Thus, OT IX is actually completed when a person leaves the Danger Zone by cogniting and attesting as follows:
* The beatings, regging, and apparent cruelty of the COB and the Church were simply dramatic and vivid spiritual teaching devices designed to so completely blow a person out of case that they realize they hate themselves. Therefore, Truth Realized: They hate COB because they secretly hate themselves.
* Are ready to stop making COB and the Church wrong.
*Are ready to return to the Church, do A-E, and donate to the IAS and Ideal Orgs in such abundance and heroic magnitudes as to go crazy.
* Are willing and financially able to do OT X: “Going All In” For Eternity!
“We are very excited by OT IX and OT X and what it means to every Scientologist in good standing with the Church.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
I’ll bet stats for the OT IX EP are straight up and vertical, especially if all the folks (aka COB’s crash test dummies) who who tested the OT IX tech over the last few years are counted.
Some confusion…whenever a public buys a book or takes a personality test, they are all in for eternity already, right?
Church stats showing millions of Scientologists are indeed the factual proof, since once on the list, they never leave!!
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As always, yours is a very important question Captain Whostolemycog.
As COB discussed last week during his nine hour speech to the 250,000 Scientologists gathered in Strahov Stadium in the Czech Republic, there is a difference between having “enrolled for the duration of the universe” (as the Founder phrased it) and “Going All In” as COB has so astutely called for in these last days before the world ends.
Whenever there is a contradiction between the Founder and COB, COB’s words always take precedent. Thus, “Going All In” is senior to merely, or only, enrolling for the duration of the universe.
“Enrolling” is precisely the sort of passive dilettantish spectatorism decried by the world’s most dedicated Scientologist Mr. Tom Cruise. Conversely, “Going All In” is the exact OT action Mr. Cruise praised so highly when he spoke of KSW:
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I want the recipe for what Dr Wonderman is drinking.
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Dear David: Dr. Wonderman is drinking the sweet elixir of GAT II, a Kool-Aid like beverage available exclusively only at our Ideal Orgs.
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What’s the secret sauce in this “Sweet GAT II Elixir” Kool-Aid?
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I’ve seen the tiny 5 hour energy sized bottles at the Ideal Org gas station down the street, but didn’t realize it was GAT II. Price was outrageous though, so I just grabbed a V8…
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Dear OTVIIIisGrrr8!
IMHO you made a FREAKING mistake here. “amnesia on the wholetrack” is solved on OT VIII … well, maybe not all of it.
Like OT VI OT X is clearly no auditing step! OT X is a pure IAS cycle. It is clearing your pockets for good … ehm, I mean 6th dynamic. It is the final step before bloody OTs become useless for us. The EP of OT X is exteriorization from your body. The instruction is: Find a REAL bridge, lift your arms and fly … straight up into the air.
OTVIIIisGrrr8!, I declare you for not clearing your MUs and causing so much distress in a situation where Ideal Orgs are popping up faster than ever. Three buildings each week, can’t you see? Find your evil purpose and report to the MAA of RPF’s RPF (if there is any).
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And since LRH scrawled on a never-published roll of toilet paper that OT IX and X would deliver an increase in power relative to the current power level of the OT VIII embarking on those levels, I’ve heard that a new pricing structure is planned so that the cost of the level is proportionate to the benefit it promises:
OT IX – $35,000 OR 35% of your total net worth, whichever is higher
OT X – $85,000 OR 99.95% or your remaining net worth, whichever is higher
Not only does this give very wealthy scientologists a chance to show off their OT power by becoming destitute and then regenerating all their wealth, but it will handle a glaring outpoint – the 800 pound gorilla in the scientology group: why are certain wealthy, longtime members, STILL wealthy??? Aren’t there buildings in the world the church has yet to purchase and renovate? Are they not receiving the IAS briefings about dire situations faced by the church that only a big, fat check can handle? Are they with us, or just trying to get close David Miscavige?
OT X finally solves the problem faced by scientology from it’s infancy of what to do with the people who find it a cheap. Three cheers for COB!
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I can´t wait to get on those levels. Sounds like spiritual enlightenment of a kind, I´ve never experienced before in Scientology.
I´m still hoping for a miracle – and willing to pay for it too.
THANK YOU for this great news!
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The best definition of a scientologist I’ve ever read: “still hoping for a miracle – and willing to pay for it too.”
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Well of course!! To simply pray/beg for a miracle would be an uneven exchange…very out ethics…very out tech.
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You appear to have forgotten all about OT XI – the equivalent of the OTO’s notorious XI°. Both probably involve the use of Gumbo Butter © ®.
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