We in RTC are pleased to announced that Marshall Herff Applewhite, leader of the Heaven’s Gate Church, is the world’s first OTX completion.
When asked by Scientology TV to comment, Applewhite enthused, “I completed both OTIX and OTX in a state exterior from the body; it helped that I had dropped the body back in 1997 after drinking a phenobarbital and vodka cocktail. That drink is almost as yummy as Vistaril, but I digress.
“I did OTIX and OTX at the Van Allen Radiation Belt Org (VARBO).
“They say Flag is the Mecca of Technical Perfection, but I say doing OTIX and OTX exterior from the body at VARBO is sooooo… WOW! Those levels just blow you a million light years out of your head! It’s like KAPOW!
“The meter literally blew up and fell off the table dozens of times. I was having cognition after cognition after cognition. It’s just so… WOW! Just WOW! All I can say is get arrived at VARBO to do OTIX and OTX!
“And thank you to COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige who makes the Church of Scientology possible!”
“And now you know the rest of the story.” explained Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Project Mouse Table was needed for COB to actually write down the numbers involved in OTIX and OTX, numbers so large that, even when written with his tiny fists of fury, the numbers stretched from Int Base to Enoch, Utah. And hence, the world’s longest and costliest mouse table at $890,000,000 has done its duty. COB’s mighty Mouse Table is being laser sawed into one foot sections (1/3 of a meter) and sold along with official RTC burlwood pens to IAS members for a donation of $5,000,000 and a special ‘IAS COB Mouse Table Patron Gloria in Excelsis Deo’ status — a status already achieved by OT’s Bromantica Bob Duggan and Grant Cardone.”
“COB RTC announced today that OTIX and OTX can only be delivered in a special entheta-free underwater city. The FUNDRAISE begins now for the new Super OT Underwater City, an ambitious program requiring massive wherewithal.”
And of course, what else is needed is to create the new and fully embracive 115 volume edition of the OTIX and OTX library on nuclear proof titanium plates and then build new nuclear proof vault in which to house them. Only once these materials are made safe may their release be contemplated — and then again only to those Scientologists who have completed their new GAT II Bridge up to OTVIII and have reached IAS Platinum Chrome Cheeseburger status.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged church of scientology, David Miscavige, Ken Delusion, OTIX, OTVIIIisGrrr8!, OTX, Religious Technology Center, Scientology, Scientology Ideal Orgs, scientology spokesman, underwater city