Tag Archives: OTX

Scientology OTX Test Run Goes Terribly Wrong

“Due to a catastrophic malfunction of the OTX Eye Injector at Flag Land Base, the pilot run of OTX went terribly wrong,” said Flag Medical Director Dr. Ken Delusion.

“While we at Flag regret this malfunction and the inconvenience it has caused  our volunteer Mr. Victor Volpe-Suarez of the Tampa Org, we can all take comfort in the fact that there are plenty more Flag rejects at the Tampa Org we can experiment on until we get this darned thing right. OTX will be debugged and eventually released no matter how many Tampa publics it takes,” emphasized Dr. Delusion.

World’s First Scientology OT X Completion!

“Scientologist and IAS Patron Mega Chromium Excelsis Irma Jean Dinwiddie of Clearwater has become the world’s first OT X completion,” announced Snr C/S Int Davis Jackinoff.

“Following Irma Jean’s completion of OT X, we at Flag had her cryogenically frozen in RTC Freezer Unit 2 at Trementina Base. All OT X completions will be frozen in this same way. OT X’s will only be unfrozen and reanimated when the planet is stable enough to handle their power.”

“Captain David Miscavige has stated that this means there must be 10,000 people up and onto SOLO NOT’s before the OT X’s can be unleashed upon the world. If you are not on SOLO NOT’s you need to get onto the level as soon as possible to save the planet from thermonuclear Armageddon!” declared Snr C/S INT.

Surprise RTC Announcement: The First Four OT X’s in the World Have Been Made on the Freewinds!

Aliens

We in RTC are pleased to announce the first four OT X’s in the world have been made aboard the Freewinds.

“These OT X’s are no longer homo saps; they have transcended the human form to become Homo Novis,” declared senior C/S Int Captain Holotta Delusion.

“These telepathic new Scientology super-beings are ravenous and feed on human flesh and blood. Specifically, each of these OT X’s needs to consume 8-10 wogs (humans) per day to remain stably OT X. If they miss a meal they could drop down to OT IX, or worse OT VIII! That’s why their orders are to keep moving and keep feeding on wogs.”

“At last and finally, OT X solves the problems of both Scientology-hating wogs and wog overpopulation.”

“This first group of OT X’s is being turned loose to terminatedly handle the SP problem,” said Captain Delusion. “In a few weeks there will no longer be any SP’s posting online anywhere — and when these OT X’s are through with the SP’s they will turn their attention to the Psychs.”

“Soon we will have thousands of OT X’s out there clearing the planet,” enthused Captain Delusion. “By this time next year only a few remaining wogs will remain in museums.”

The Release of OTIX and OTX Announced!

“And now you know the rest of the story.” explained Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Project Mouse Table was needed for COB to actually write down the numbers involved in OTIX and OTX, numbers so large that, even when written with his tiny fists of fury, the numbers stretched from Int Base to Enoch, Utah. And hence, the world’s longest and costliest mouse table at $890,000,000 has done its duty. COB’s mighty Mouse Table is being laser sawed into one foot sections (1/3 of a meter) and sold along with official RTC burlwood pens to IAS members for a donation of $5,000,000 and a special ‘IAS COB Mouse Table Patron Gloria in Excelsis Deo’ status — a status already achieved by OT’s Bromantica Bob Duggan and Grant Cardone.”

“COB RTC announced today that OTIX and OTX can only be delivered in a special entheta-free underwater city. The FUNDRAISE begins now for the new Super OT Underwater City, an ambitious program requiring massive wherewithal.”

Underwater.City

And of course, what else is needed is to create the new and fully embracive 115 volume edition of the OTIX and OTX library on nuclear proof titanium plates and then build new nuclear proof vault in which to house them. Only once these materials are made safe may their release be contemplated — and then again only to those Scientologists who have completed their new GAT II Bridge up to OTVIII and have reached IAS Platinum Chrome Cheeseburger status.

OT IX and OT X to be Released Soon!

DM.23“COB will soon release OT IX and OT X,” enthused Dr. Frank Wonderman, the Executive Director of OT Nirvana Services at Flag Land Base.

“And by way of lifting the curtain on Eternity to give Scientology parishioners a sneak peak at these miraculous levels, COB has authorized me to share the following:

OT IX: Freedom and the Ability to Serve. On this level, a being discovers that Truth is the freedom and ability to serve the most Ethical Group on the Planet, the Church of Scientology. New OT IX’s therefore sign a 5 year staff contract. While on staff, OT’s are subjected to brutal work conditions, sleep deprivation, screaming, and, yes, routine “POW!* ecclesiastical beatings that they deserve and, factually, pulled in.”

Staff1“Not to feed future staff members a cog, but the EP of OT IX involves going into the valence of a criminal suppressive, going PTS Type III, and then blowing staff in order to make COB and the Church wrong.

 

“And yet, as we have pointed out in Why Do You Hate COB? the only reason anyone hates COB is because they secretly hate themselves.”

Helios  Vol. 11  No. 110  October, 1962  25“Therefore, OT IX is about discovering the Self-Hate that lies hidden at the very bottom — and indeed it is the reason for amnesia on the wholetrack: The thetan does not want to know that he hates himself.”

“Thus, he mocks up an aberrated forgettingness, calls it amnesia, and then promptly attacks COB and the Church of Scientology — and this Self-Hatred is what is actually hidden underneath the internet in Node 666.”

“Hence, when one attains the EP of OT IX they are in a DANGER ZONE!”

“And this is why,” Dr. Wonderman emphasized, “All new and existing staff members must sign the new Non-Disparagement Agreement whereby they agree not to disparage COB, the Church, or the Founder when they attain the EP of OT IX and blow.

“Properly understood, the new Non-Disparagement Agreement is purely designed to keep OT IX’s safe from being declared SP’s when they are in the DANGER ZONE between OT IX and OT X.”

“Thus, OT IX is actually completed when a person leaves the Danger Zone by cogniting and attesting as follows:

* The beatings, regging, and apparent cruelty of the COB and the Church were simply dramatic and vivid spiritual teaching devices designed to so completely blow a person out of case that they realize they hate themselves. Therefore, Truth Realized: They hate COB because they secretly hate themselves.

* Are ready to stop making COB and the Church wrong.

*Are ready to return to the Church, do A-E, and donate to the IAS and Ideal Orgs in such abundance and  heroic magnitudes as to go crazy.

* Are willing and financially able to do OT X: “Going All In” For Eternity!

“We are very excited by OT IX and OT X and what it means to every Scientologist in good standing with the Church.”