Why do you hate COB?
Church of Scientology sec checkers have been finding “I hate COB” as the withhold behind so much of the natter, enturbulation, gross out ethics, and sabotage these days.
We in RTC conducted a hard-hitting investigation which revealed that Church parishioners hate COB for one reason and one reason only: They secretly hate themselves.
Invariably, then, the truth emerged in sec checks: I hate COB because I really hate myself.
You hate yourself.
Your needle is floating.
The only correct handling is the new COB False Data Stripping Course wherein all of the incredibly false data you have about COB will be located and knocked out of your skull by our highly-trained team of 72,341 GAT II auditors.
As part of the mandatory COB False Data Stripping Course you will serve a minimum sentence of 180 days of hard labor in the new Super Power Maximum Security Detention Center.
This ecclesiastical prison sentence is a necessary component of your overall amends project in making up for the damage you have caused by criminally wrong-targeting COB for your hatred.
A donation of $100,000 to Super Power is required to pay for the costs your incarceration and sec checking. Happily, the $100,000 will be applied toward your next IAS Patron Status.
And now please, time to begin your amends project: