woman-staring-cell-phoneCOB RTC David Miscavige is furious with Scientology parishioners for refusing to pick up their phones when Flag or their local Org calls them to confirm their attendance at the most important event ever in world history, i.e. the launch of Super Power and GAT II.

“If Flag or your local Org calls you 170-200 times per day it’s only because you are not answering on the first call,” said Dr. Eldon Weiner, CO of Incessant Communications at Flag.

We know your withhold,” Dr. Weiner said. “You see Flag’s number displayed on your phone and so you don’t answer. You can’t confront your responsibility for Planetary Clearing or for booming the Church of Scientology on all dynamics when Super Power and GAT II actually happen!”


“Oh no!” Scientology OT Helen Back said to herself. “The Sea Org is here to see if I’m going to Flag for COB’s launch of Super Power and GAT II. I don’t want to be there. I’m going to go hide. Maybe even change my name and move to another country.”

“The same thing happens when we send Sea Org members to your home to find you. You go and hide under your bed and pretend you’re not home while they knock on your door for twenty or thirty minutes. And then you stay in hiding while the Sea Org knocks on the windows and peers inside looking for you.”

“I’m here to tell you straight from COB,” Dr. Weiner declared, “that the days of playing ‘I can’t answer my phone’ or ‘I’m not home’ are over!”

“From now on it is a HIGH CRIME to refuse to answer your phone when we call.”

From now in it is a HIGH CRIME to refuse to answer our knock at your door.”

“In fact,” Dr. Weiner threateningly intoned, “we may even make you live in Sea Org berthing if things don’t improve! How would like that? No? Okay, well then ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN WE CALL YOU!!!”

15 replies »

  1. I will be using ecclesiastical telephone number spoofing technology to call every person who has not responded to COB’s orders! PICK UP THE PHONE. PICK IT UP. PICK UP THE PHONE. SIGN THE CHECK. SIGN IT. THANK YOU.


  2. Since Scientology is always so up on the latest technology (such as the e-meter with a speaker), how about issuing beepers to all the Scientologists? Then they will never miss a call.


  3. I might suggest that Flag registrars leave shrill voicemails ending with the phrase “I will not be ignored.” If the that doesn’t work, try boiling parishioner’s bunnies.


  4. I don’t know what the big deal is. Tell Dr. Weiner that you are declared SP and to stick the god damned phone up his ass. They will stop calling!



      It isn’t as easy as telling Dr. Weiner to “stick the god damned phone up his ass.” If it were that easy, the Church of Scientology would have collapsed in 1952 instead of 2014 as it appears to be doing.


  5. very true 😦
    They used to come to my house with 2 or 3 men. And they ignored that it was midnight already.
    I am still so pissed about that!
    Is this the application of ARC?
    You know their standard justification for all they do wrong: “It is just your reactive mind, it is not us. And you have a money engram.”
    And my standard answer was: “The money engram was audited already. Either the auditing tech did not work or you are liars.”
    Guess what they said then: “You are critical. What are your overts?”

    F…..g insane!

    Switch off your lights by 8pm!


  6. We at “dialing for dollars” have discovered that it is always 5:00 pm somewhere in the world. We are therefore not bothered by lazy parishioners who are asleep at 3:00 am. Our biggest problem is our local 7-11 has run out Red Bull (not to be confused with “Miscavige Bull”). So, please do not publish such pessimistic entheta that implies we are having difficulty finding suckers, er, victims, er, loyal parishioners 24 hours a day. Remember, it is never too early, or too late, to hoist one.

    Thank you,

    Helen Gone


  7. David I’m feeling kind of ill, I’ve been taking these saunas and vitamins for 8 months now, my face is starting to look like a scrotum. Can I please try some alternative therapy?


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