We in RTC received the news that the Wog High Court of France has found the Church of Scientology guilty of fraud.
We were not surprised as France is quite insane and has a long history of losing wars, eating the most vile sorts of food including frogs, and being as rude as possible.
If we in the Church of Scientology are guilty of anything it is of trying to help. We try to help people, groups, and nations.
France is a very self absorbed nation and the French a very self absorbed people famous only for their body odor. When we tried to give them safe and effective solutions to being self absorbed, the French retaliated by cooking up some phony charges of practicing pharmacy without a license!
Excuse us, but a Church and a Pharmacy are two different things and if France cannot see this it is because everyone there too self absorbed, too busy smoking opium, and too busy eating baguettes topped with horrible smelling cheeses.
COB RTC David Miscavige immediately responded by declaring France a Suppressive Nation and all persons therein to be Suppressive Persons:
Suppressive Nation status brings with it the full wrath of the Church of Scientology:
* COB RTC David Miscavige has ordered his RTC Ecclesiastical Dildo Unit to secretly mail every citizen of France a dildo. This may backfire on us as the French are very perverted, very filthy 1.1 hedonists, but who are we in RTC to question the wisdom of David Miscavige?
* All 64.2 million French citizens will be mailed their SP Declares. Their only terminal will be Guillaume Lesevre. As Mr. Lesevre is unavailable and never goes to his office these days, the French will never be able to do A-E unless they grovel and beg our forgiveness. That is how much we in the Church are offended by France’s Scientology-hating ways! Note: The Goldenrod Declares may be delayed up to one year due to the global shortage of goldenrod paper!
* OSA has written mission orders and will fire off teams of PI’s and Squirrel Busters to follow, stalk, and harass the French people. France: show us your folders!
* France is disqualified from receiving The Way to Happiness in any form.
* All French citizens are permanently banned from Flag Land Base. No French citizen may receive the Super Power or the GAT II rundowns.
* France is assigned the Ethics condition of CONFUSION.
In conclusion, France needs to be reminded of what KSW is by the second-ranking foremost Scientologist on the planet and here he is:
Hahahaha, wow, one of your best, OTVIII!
COB was left with no choice. Suppression at this level is absolutely unprecedented. The pitiful excuses given are absent of any shred of evidence. The big being that he is, COB chose to directly confront this monumental suppression.
As an aside, isn’t it interesting to note that the French court waited until the global supply of Goldenrod reached a critical shortage level before announcing their decision, almost as if they anticipated COB’s reaction? One could posit a conspiracy devised by psychs to test COB’s resolve. Well, they got their answer didn’t they?
Ultimately, it will do them no good as the Minnesota Ideal Paper Mill will soon be online, pumping out enough Goldenrod to gift wrap every ecclesiastical dildo with a personal SP declare, thereby maximizing delivery efficiency. No one can accuse COB of not being aware of the big picture of business efficiency.
French nationals desiring to remain on the Bridge to Total Freedom are hereby advised to renounce their citizenship immediately and apply for religious refugee status at US consulate offices. Following appropriate sec checking at Flag and OSA clearance, candidates will be allowed re-entry to the bridge.
Again Captain Wholestolemycog shows his ability to decipher Psych plans and strategies!
Yes, France hit us during the global goldenrod shortage — which the Psychs created expressly for France.
Yes, the French framed and destroyed Lance Armstrong well ahead of this rigged court decision so that Lance Armstrong could not step in and ask for “fair play” for Scientology given that he championed fair play, this until the French set him up to fail.
Yes, COB RTC David Miscavige has not been seen in weeks. The rumors that he went Type III or has a medical condition notwithstanding, COB is unavailable to the moment and no, we do not have a date for Super Power or GAT II so don’t ask.
We just received an urgent communique from the Consulate General of France (Los Angeles Office).
The message (translated) reads simply: “Handheld or Strap-on?”
What a tragedy! Now COB will never be able to move into the Chateau de Versailles.
The RTC Ecclesiastical Dildo Unit has a large quanity of the Captian Bill model on hand and ready to ship to France. They’re made from World War II era surplus Bakelite, covered with a flesh tone Chinese made lead-based paint. For some reason, they’re not big sellers in America. I believe it has to do with some FDA mumbo-jumbo. Anyway, IAS members should be receiving their fundraising notice to underwrite this project within the hour. Break out the boxes and shipping tape, call Fed-Ex and bon voyage.
Mais oui! Are they suitable for framing? OT8, it’s fitting that the nation the launched Dday on its beaches and gave the US the Statue of Liberty would be declared the first suppressive nation. Maybe hey will also become the first clear nation, as in clear of Scientologists.
Clearly clever JGG, but we should all be thankfully clear the French aversion for personal hygiene never caught on in a big way outside their own borders.
BTW, if Belgium keeps it up, they have an excellent chance to be the second nation state declared.
Pisse sur les grenouilles putain!
Well, California will NOT be next. You raise a good point–the French are much better off spending money on plumbing and shower facilities (which they have an acute shortage of–some hotels don’t even have showers) than on worthless LRH books, lectures and auditing.
I’ll never say “Fuck the French” ever again.
Good point, they’re way ahead of the U.S. on this.
OTVIIIisGrrr8 this sounds like a program of the utmost importance and one that we should all get behind! Where can we send funds to donate to the Ideal Dildo French Tickling program? I would like to donate $10,000,000 toward the status of KingDong Maximus Pleasurus.
“Ideal Dildo French Tickling program?
Straight up and vertical!
France (or any nation) should be so lucky… how incredibly un-suppressed they would be!!