Tag Archives: fraud

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige Hails Fake STAND Member Program as a Complete Success

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“COB today congratulated Scientology phony PR front group STAND for reaching a milestone of 10,000 fake members,” Ken Delusion announced.

“These mocked up Scientologists now outnumber real Scientologists,” Delusion noted. “Which goes to show that Scientologists can create new and better realities, get the best parking spots, put out intention beams to get green lights at intersections, and postulate new Scientology parishioners where none actually exist.”

“It’s not fraud, it’s OT Magic!” enthused Delusion.

“And thanks to a new IAS grant, STAND can now purchase another 10,000 stock photos to use as STAND members. It really is straight up and vertical expansion in Scientology,” Delusion rhapsodized, his eyes glazed over and his smile fixed as if he were in another of his phantasmagorical and maniacal trances.

Scientology STAND Members Attack SP’s!

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Finally folks, let’s have a big hand for our STAND members, both fake and real, as well as COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige! VGI’s all around for sticking it to the SP’s!

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Church of Scientology Leader David Miscavige Made the Butt of Jokes!

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige was called the “big cheese” by the unfunny joker & degrader Conan O’Brien. Scientologists — both real and Stock Photo Scientologists — have protested to Conan O’Brien:

The Conan O’Brien Show
Burbank, CA 90068

Dear Mr. O’Brien,

I read the press today about your recent show with Leah Remini…Having watched the segment, I was especially disappointed by some of the gratuitous comments you made in interviewing Ms. Remini, notably a snarky reference to the Church’s leader as “the big cheese,” and questioning Ms. Remini on why the Church “is not suing” her… I found it personally offensive and I was embarrassed for you.

Thank you.

Catriona McKenzie
Ontario, Calif.

First, COB is neither big nor is he a cheese. COB is 5’1″(129.5 cm) and is made of substance that, while having the consistency of a warm and lumpy melted cheese on a hot summer day, smells far worse and is often found on the bottom of shoes.

Second, Catriona McKenzie is a stock photo Scientologist, i.e. she is not real and is rather a completely fake Scientologist used by STAND. But that’s not the point. The point is this: If Catriona McKenzie were a real Scientologist she would be outraged!

Third, we in the Church of Scientology have not sued Leah Remini because that would risk Mr. Miscavige being deposed in what would surely become a fishing trip into what critics have unfairly characterized as his “criminality, lies, perjury, and violence.” Simply put, Mr. Miscavige could never get a fair hearing in a wog court where savagely beating one’s acussers is not allowed as we understand the matter.

COB has been lampooned and parodied by many suppressive persons. Unfortunately, even in this age of cheap and unlimited bandwidth, bandwidth limitations prevent us from naming and shaming these millions of people who have chortled at COB and alleged that he is both a clownish incompetent buffoon and a violent self-aggrandizing narcissist.

Fundraising Begins for Ideal Stock Photo Scientology Org

“With the booming numbers of stock photo Scientologists joining STAND, these stock photo publics need their own dedicated Org to service their special needs,” said Ken Delusion, Executive Director of Stock Photo Parishioner Services.

“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has identified the perfect future Ideal Stock Photo Scientology Org. $8,000,000 is needed to license this image. Fundraising begins now. Real Scientologists are expected to donate to help stock photo Scientologists who have no money as they are mock ups. Of course,” Delusion added, “these stock photo Scientologists have a very aesthetic wavelength.”

The Future Ideal Stock Photo Scientology Org:

Reverend Bob Tilton Handles Scientology & Pulls Marty Rathbun’s Withhold

Church Sets Monthly Budget for Scientologists; Orders Scientologists Onto Food Stamps & Welfare

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“It has come to management’s attention that Scientologists are not taking advantage of food stamps, welfare, Medi-Cal, homeless shelters, soup kitchens and other sources of free financial assistance offered by wog governments and charities,” said Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive Director of COB’s mandatory new program called Getting Scientologists Onto Welfare In Order to Increase Donations to Scientology.

“The Church of Scientology desperately needs the money Scientologists are wasting on meat body dramatizations such as food, water, electricity, flush toilets, medical care, housing, and even clothing,” Delusion emphasized. “A hat pack is being released to show Scientologists how to game the system in order to get onto government welfare and wog charity programs.”

“To begin gradiently, the Church is ordering all Scientologists to work two jobs. Further, the Church is putting all Scientologists on a monthly budget of $2010. This budget allows for $27.00 in spending per day — which is more than enough for Scientologists to get by on. Any income above this limit is to be donated to the Church. All Scientologists must adhere to this new budget to remain in good standing with the Church:

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Scientology Fugitive David Miscavige Arrested by the FBI

After a nearly year-long manhunt, Scientology fugitive David Miscavige was arrested by the FBI in Las Vegas after being picked up by local police for a minor shoplifting incident.

Las Vegas police responded to a shoplifting call at the Walmart Supercenter located on the 4500 block of West Charleston Boulevard. The suspect was a white male in his late 50’s who was described as being “extremely intoxicated.”

“The suspect had shoplifted several packs of underwear, socks, breath mints, and two bottles of scotch,” said Sargent Lisa Davenport of the LVPD. “After running his prints we discovered we were holding Scientology fugitive David Miscavige in our drunk tank. That’s when we contacted the FBI on the outstanding federal warrant against Miscavige.”

“The Las Vegas FBI took Mr. Miscavige into custody and transported him by aircraft to the federal Supermax prison in Colorado where he is being held without bond pending trial.”

The US Attorney General’s Office has charged David Miscavige with conspiracy to commit religious fraud. According to the indictment, beginning in about 1984 continuing until present time, Miscavige conspired with others to fraudulently issue, offer, and sell phony Scientology Clear, OT, and IAS certificates issued by corporate shells which they controlled, including the Church of Scientology International, Flag Service Organization, the Flag Ship Service Organization, and the International Association of Scientologists.

Additionally, Miscavige and conspirators engaged in deceptive practices and issued misleading press releases to promote “IAS Statuses” to give credulous Scientology parishioners the impression that the defendants were actively engaged in the dissemination and protection of the Scientology religion, when in truth, Miscavige and his fellow conspirators were allowing the Church of Scientology to be destroyed by their profligate and violent acts,  which included Miscavige’s wholetrack campaign of terror and looting IAS bank accounts by collecting hundreds of millions of dollars in FSM commissions and personal appearance fees during the decades in which he spoke and engaged in high pressure fundraising at IAS events.

The charges against Miscavige allege that CSI, FSO, FSSO, and the IAS were hollow shells that did not engage in regular or substantial religious activities, did not produce any actual religious goods or services, and did not make auditors, Clears, or OT’s as promoted in their news releases.

According to the indictment, Miscavige and his conspirators fraudulently induced Scientology parishioners to donate billions of dollars to unregistered CSI, FSO, FSSO, and IAS entities in Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao in exchange for glorified bowling trophies given at gouache and overwrought IAS ceremonies.

Although these IAS trophies have an actual market value of less than $1000 apiece, the conspirators offered and sold these trophies for billions of dollars, the proceeds of which were divided and distributed among Miscavige and his fellow other conspirators, which conspirators consisted mainly of what the indictment calls “wog lawyers.”

“Most of the ill-gotten monies were laundered, structured, and normalized by investing in a vast real estate portfolio called “Ideal Orgs.” Miscavige has a 75% ownership in this real estate portfolio with his his fellow conspirators controlling 25%.

Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion could not be located in order to respond to these charges. Delusion was last seen on surveillance cameras at a Mobil gas station in Hercules, California where he made an ATM withdrawal. It is believed he may be hiding at a CST nuclear vault in Capitola, California.