Church of Scientology Declares the Internet to be “Just Another Fad!”


Scientology Haters

Scientology haters post their meaningless drivel each day on equally meaningless wog hater message boards that exist only to attack the Church of Scientology and its leader Mr. David Miscavige.

These wog haters seem to think that we in the Church of Scientology care about whatever lunacies they are spewing on any given day.

The fact is that we don’t read any of the lies you Psych-funded Scientology haters and bitter defrocked apostates post online.

Our stat, what we care about, is “new bodies in the shop” and not “posting on dead-in-the-head wog hater blogs.”


COB only hurts the people he loves. This is for the greatest good for COB and his dynamics.

Our goal in Scientology is not to handle the tiny handful of insane people  who post on hater boards.

Factually, Scientology neither treats the insane nor does it want the insane as members.

Our goal is to Clear the Planet.

Our goal is not to handle the Internet.

We affirm Planetary Clearing while repudiating the Internet.

This is true.


Mr. Miscavige with a Scientology parishioner at the new Ideal Org in Manila.

Speaking to a packed house at a recent Flag graduation, COB RTC David Miscavige made it emphatically clear to all Scientologists that, “The Internet it is just another fad that will soon go out of style.”

“Like hula hoops, pet rocks, or the music of the Bee Gees, the current faddish interest in the the Internet will soon go away and be replaced by the more sobering reality that the Reactive Mind needs to be handled and that only Scientology processing can handle it.”

“Then again,” COB  logically deduced, ” it follows, and more critically so for all of Mankind, that all wog hater boards are, by definition, expressions of the R6 Bank. And there is no way to handle this savage composite of laid in R6 implants, this 75,000,000 year old catastrophe, except by picking up the cans and going through the Wall of Fire.”

“Please pick up the cans,” COB ordered. “This is the session.”

With this singular planetary-changing command, COB has now put the entire Internet into session wherein he will handle all charge and clear the R6 bank itself.

In doing so, the Internet will “as is” and disappear.

All praise be unto COB!

25 replies »

  1. For the members in Rio Linda:
    1. The internet is an expression of the R6 bank, therefore it should be ignored.
    2. RTC will use the internet to repudiate the internet.

    You’ve been working too hard OT8….we’re thinking you should be dancing yeah….dancing yeah


  2. Wow…just got an urgent call from my stockbroker. In the few minutes that OSA has released this email, he said that Wall Street is in a panic. As my stockbroker has told me before…”When COB talks, people listen.” His message to me…SELL, SELL, SELL!!!!

    Sure enough, the after market for all internet based companies is plummeting since COB has informed us of the news that the internet is just a fad that will soon go missing like the SP bimbo Leah Remini.

    One day soon, the packed HCG’s around the world will be full of parishioners reminiscing about the “good old days” when we used to use the internet. I can’t wait to hear what COB says will replace this antiquated system we call the internet. In His glory and holiness, I remain forever indebted to COB.


    • Wogs Suck just knocked it out the stadium and into the parking lot!

      Moreover, he just saved himself from financial ruin by selling off all of those worthless and degraded wog stocks like Apple, Google, or Microsoft.

      In news to be released very soon, COB will announce that his privately owned and controlled company “Miscavige Emergent Services Typewriters” or MEST is selling franchises for MEST Typewriter Sales and Repair services!

      With franchises beginning at only $5,000,000 this is your time to get in on the ground floor!

      When the Internet collapses, and it will very soon — and possibly this week — you will want to own a quality MEST brand typing-writer!

      And better yet, you will want to own a MEST franchise because Mr. Miscavige is set to corner the emerging global market in typing-writers!


  3. Nice job for an amateur, Mr. WogsSuck! Of course, we in Global Capitalism HQ knew of Mr. Miscavige’s plan before he even thought of it, and we sold our original stakes in Google, Facebook and all the rest before the maelstrom hit. We also bought all sorts of options using our aggressive quant trading operation.

    Given our analysis of Mr. Miscavige’s track record, we expect a teensy weensy flaw in his plans to be revealed over time, and we’re well positioned on the way down with put options which we’ve now sold because they’re in the money. And now we’re backing up the truck on out-of-the-money calls. We’ve taken an $11 billion portfolio of Internet stocks, and when things revert to normal in a day or a week, we’ll end up with approximately $30 billion in profits for just a couple days’ work.

    We just love how all his little schemes end up making us more money than we could ever imagine…especially the schemes to put us out of business. It’s like an episode of Pinky and the Brain.


    • Mr. Miscavige’s strategic plans to dominate the emerging global market for typing-writers will enrich those who are bold enough to invest $5,000,000 for a typing-writer sales and repair franchise.

      As we reported earlier on this blog when COB announced that he was outlawing the internet:

      In an act of Scientology mercy, Mr. Miscavige is giving the public until the end of 2013 to purchase typewriters, fax machines, and other pre-internet technologies that will allow individuals, groups, and businesses to transition off the internet.

      Asked for a response to the outlawing of the internet by Scientology, Google CEO Larry Page candidly admitted that, “The Church of Scientology is, frankly, correct in stopping the madness. I guess we at Google got really carried away and never stopped to realize how we were making money off Viagra and porn. We at Google were shocked to see how our efforts only empowered pornography and religious hatred.”

      Google’s Eric Schmidt issued a statement saying, “Google will start disbanding tomorrow and laying off our 54,000 global employees. We have to do the right thing after all. We need to dissolve Google and the entire internet itself to protect Scientology and all other religions. People need to wake up and stop pretending that the internet was ever something other than a smut-peddling, hate-creating machine that harmed people and destroyed family values.”

      Already punished earlier in the day by a botched earnings report, Google shares tumbled 90% on the news that the internet would be dissolved by Church of Scientology canon law.


    • Yes, JPQ, I am an amateur….the wife is a bit more of an expert on these things. She garnered 24.5% today on 2 AAPL puts and another. What a sweet day! Of course, all proceeds are going to be applied to my MEST franchise!!!


  4. I’ve always admired Field Marshall Miscavige. What more proof do we need of his genious? He is a truly great man, no, more than a man really, a god! A great god whose personality is so totally and completely wonderful, that my feeble words of praise sound miserably and pathetically inadequate.


      • jgg2012 – You’ve gotta believe the old man was schooled in multi-level marketing. Scientology may be the world’s first and only multi-level marketed religion. Don’t FSO’s receive commissions? And then look at all of the annual “Amway like” big events, hero-worship of the founder, periodic re-branding of the basic product line to generate new sales, fierce protection of brand infringement by “copy-cats”, and the organizational importance placed on celebrity endorsements.

        Interesting difference between Scientology and Amway – status through level advancing is conferred to the biggest buyers not the biggest sellers.


  5. Who needs the internet and its posse of lunatics and R6 bank bottom dwellers when you can enjoy the lovely theta company of IAS regges, sec checkers and squirrel busters IRL. Why just last night I had a lovely conversation about how we’re well on the way to clearing Earth by the end of 2020 thanks to the brilliant strategies of our leader of leaders, COB. That would have been totally ruined by looking up the truth online.


  6. Tony Ortega and his whole cadre of ehtheta filled hating haters will be so surprised when they go to log on for their daily fix of hating hate filled hate and find nothing but an hour glass…spinning for hours. Talk about a restim…they may never recover. It only serves them right.

    The terrorist group Anonymous will be put out of business overnight. Without the internet, they will be revealed as nothing more than a bunch of pallid, addle brained, unemployed losers still wearing Halloween masks and living in their mother’s basement. Hopefully, many of them will be reacquainted a process known as bathing.

    Without youtube, the freak parades outside the hundreds of Ideal Orgs in SoCal will diminish then evaporate as the attention hound deviants led by Mark Bunker realize they no longer have an audience for their hate filled anti-religious rants and demonstrations.

    Without the internet, we’ll all realize internet was nothing more than a forum to enable the haters and provide mass delivery of free porn. Without it, countless lives will be saved as the sacred scriptures will be no longer be available for viewing by unsuspecting teens and adults who succumb later to pneumonia like a scene out of the movie “The RIng”. Instead, the scared scriptures will again only be available on the vehicle “Freewinds” and porn will be limited to nondescript buildings in the bad part of town.

    Just like that, we no longer need to adjust to the future. We’ve canceled the future and like a time warp shifted back to the 80’s.

    All of those iPads…someone will become rich figuring out a use for them without the internet. I’m sure John P is already on it…


    • What a glorious vision of an internet-free world you paint whostolemycog.

      As always, COB felt morally uplifted and refreshed by your sweeping panoramic vista of what the world should be liked. COB really liked the 80’s when there was no internet and he could have a few drinks of scotch, Then he went into the valence of Eddie Van Halen and shredded a mean air guitar. Ladies and gentlemen, Eruption as played by the Master himself:


    • We in Global Capitalism HQ have requested a meeting with Apple CEO Tim Cook on exactly this subject. We’re going to “suggest” that they consider providing software that allows iPads to run MS-DOS applications, including Lotus 1-2-3 and WordPerfect. There’s a great business opportunity for them to put out an elegantly slimline floppy disk drive that one can keep in one’s pocket or in one’s shoulder bag while accessing the information on it, connecting via WiFi or Near Field Communications. Fortunately, since we’re the largest shareholder of Apple, as we are of most companies in the world, when we “suggest” something to the CEO, it tends to happen tout suite.


      • John. that’s great, but I was referring to the skill and tenacity of the squirrel in the video. I envison Big Blue being torn down and replaced by a park for squirrels like this, with plenty of contraptions and acorns.


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