Last year COB RTC David Miscavige quietly implemented a strategic new revenue strategy for the Church of Scientology that takes full advantage of the Church’s prime real estate locations.
COB’s vision was realized today when the first Ideal Org Gas Station was opened amid great fanfare on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood.
“The parking lot at L.A. Day was empty most of the time, so COB ordered it re-purposed and converted to Ideal Org Gas Station #1, ” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Likewise, the lobby was always empty so COB had it changed into a mini mart that sells snacks, cigarettes, lottery tickets, colas, and even premium Starbucks coffees and cold drinks.”
“This not being the best part of Hollywood,” Delusion added, “we are filing for a beer and wine permit so we can boom the GI for this Ideal Org Gas Station.
“And our plans include getting WiFi never,” Delusion chuckled.
Local wog resident Budd Herman commented that, “this new filling station will provide us locals with a much-needed gas station. As it is now, you gotta drive all the way down to Vermont or up to Western to get gas or cigarettes so this does save time.”
When asked if he had used Church facilities before the new gas station, Mr. Herman flatly stated, “No, never.” We in the Church of Scientology hope to change that real soon and invite Mr. Herman and all local residents to drop into the Org the next time they stop by to fill up.
“An Ideal Org Gas Station will soon be open near you,” COB declared in a press release, “and I expect all Scientologists in good standing to patronize these stations and not give their money to filthy wog gas stations, mini marts, and downstat wog Starbucks. Come in today to fill up and be sure to put an IAS donation on your ATM card!”