NBC Rock Center: Full of Lies about the Church of Scientology!

We in RTC just barely survived watching almost one full hour of endless lies entitled Rock Center with Brian Williams.

The only truth spoken was when Paul Haggis admitted that, “leaving Church of Scientology was ‘a treasonous act.” It was treason and that is why we in RTC declared Paul a Suppressive Person and wished him a nice life.

In other more positive news, the Church of Scientology is now running an ad in Times Square for the next 290,000 years. The ad dares people to think for themselves in such a way that they join the Church of Scientology.

Church  of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion said the implication of the new Scientology ad is clear:

“Stupid people cannot think for themselves and so they do not join the Church of Scientology. Stupid people also believe all of the lies on the internet about Scientology, this assuming these people can even read. Stupid have not  done the Key to Life, the Primary Rundown, or gotten on their Student Hat.

“Smart people who think for themselves will join the Church of Scientology. Smart people  also refuse to believe the lies about Scientology on the internet and in the media.”

Scientology Fleet Admiral David Miscavige was applauded when he recently unveiled the new ad in Times Square:

FAM.11

16 responses to “NBC Rock Center: Full of Lies about the Church of Scientology!

  1. Another one hit straight out of the park! “declared Paul a Suppressive Person and wished him a nice life” Man I was rolling when I read that!

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  2. I counted 200 false statements in this article. If there are 200 outright lies and false statements in this story, then it only proves that everything is a lie.

    This is all rehashed tabloid journalism. Haggis and Wright have already proved these statement to be false. since everyone knows that the RTC is full of bigoted lying liars.

    Peace out, Sci scout! I have a planet to save!

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    • Grrr!

      Report to Ethics for backflashing we in RTC.

      You do not backfash a senior ecclesiastical authority such as we in RTC. Do not be flippant: We hold the key to your Eternity. You will die alone and in the dark if you do not write up your O/W’s and donate $5,000,000 to the IAS immediately.

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  3. Oh I laughed so hard!!!!

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  4. Dear RTC,

    You are slipping. You failed to recognize that the entire planet is suppressive and that its only salvation lies in doing do A-E – or die.

    Wake up, RTC!

    .

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    • Eventually ours will be a Scientology Planet. Those who do not be or become Scientologists will be incarcerated in a Scientology religious prison or dungeon. By this means, the entire Tone Level of the Planet will soar to 40, except of course for those in Scientology religious prisons.

      So yes, people need to do A-E or else!

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  5. Dear OTVIIIisGrrr8,

    Thank you so much. I mean that, with enormous quantities of theta (flowing toward your beingness which I have granted to you as a kudos for your stunning review above).

    I was skeptical about Scientology, but no longer. Today I am marching, no, I am jogging, no, I am running full speed toward my nearest Scientology Org to sign up for my billion year tour.

    In the past there was only 1 person I looked up to and admired and considered to be the only magnificent being on this planet, me, Horacio. But now I realize (thanks to your tireless efforts) that David Miscaviage is indeed the 2nd magnificent being on this planet. And, if you keep up the good work (think thurs. at 2:00) you my friend will be granted the beingness of being the 3rd.

    Much Love,
    Horacio

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    • Horacio, we in RTC are buoyed to see so many millions and billions of people such as yourself clamoring for Scientology products and services. As our special gift, we would like to send you an official RTC burlwood pen after you make your $100,000 donation to become an IAS Patron Asbestosium.

      We in the Church of Scientology are thankful that the American economy is collapsing as it gives us plenty of unemployed people grateful for “three hots and a cot” in the Sea Org. Sure, the Sea Org is actually worse than County Jail where you have basic rights and medical care, but on the other hand, the Sea Org is better than being a street person, a Psychiatrist, an astrologer, a professional bowler, or a member in good standing of Global Capitalism HQ where we hear they cook and eat children.

      We in RTC have been able to fulfill our space requirements by renting empty skyscrapers, old shuttered Wal-Mart superstores, decommissioned military bases, and closed factories just to get enough space to house new temporary Orgs and Sea Org berthing as people stampede into the Church of Scientology in order to be free of their savage Reactive Minds.

      While not pretty, our newest Ideal Org in Barstow, California has berthing and basic toilet facilities for 1,200 bankrupt OT’s and IAS Patrons who joined the Sea Org to avoid homelessness. We in RTC see this as very humanitarian on the part of COB RTC David Miscavige and will accordingly be awarding COB another big and shiny Humanitarian gold medal in a gala ceremony at Flag next month. Ladies and gentlemen, we in RTC humbly tender to Humanity the gift of Ideal Org Barstow:

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    • I would run, too, but the nearest org is 15 miles away and totally empty.

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  6. I have just finished sewing a tiny “I ♥ COB” patch on my blue boilersuit to demonstrate my support for COB during the current media flap. Yes, I wear a boilersuit as a wog fashion choice because of its flattering contours, even though I face daily derision from my family, friends, and coworkers. But I am standing tall for COB.

    COB made a wise decision in staying away from the braying pack of jackals known as the media. Had he agreed to speak on camera — let us speak frankly here — even a novice interviewer would have made short work of him.

    I am aware of COB’s fondness for the phrase “very well done, sir!” and hope that you will convey that message to him.

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    • Thetaesque, we in RTC have an, err, we have a friend who… is in a very high position, say, maybe like a global ecclesiastical leader, and this friend of ours has asked us if you will send him some photos of yourself in your boilersuit where it is, you know, provocative.

      He enjoys boilersuits.

      There we said it.

      This is one our friend’s favorite photos from his collection of boilersuit photos:

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      • OMG. The RPF meets the Bee Gees. No wonder your “friend” gets so turned on. Especially with text like “Easy on, easy off, quick as a flick of her tongue.” Who needs an official ZZ Top “Velcro Fly” when you’re wearing one of these numbers?

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      • Yes, our “friend” often locks himself in the bedroom of his villa with this ad. We think this ad made some sort of impression on our friend in his youth. If you recall, the so-called “Space Vampire” Sea Org uniform was a glorified boilersuit with a cape:

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      • Because you in RTC have set the bar so high with this photo, I decided to visit a professional photographer for a series of tastefully posed boilersuit pictures. He assures me that they’ll be ready in time for the opening of the new Super Power building!

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  7. OTV8,

    You know I love it when you grrrowl at me like that! Please let Martin know that we do indeed have the hang of irony in the Midwest. I prefer to get mine in the form of supplements, courtesy of Big Pharma. I take two Flintstone Vitamins every day with the recommended USDA of irony. I had a Dino and a Barney today, so I think I have the hang of it by now.

    Like

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