Freedom Magazine Special Report:
Fatal Stampede at Flag! 12,000 Scientologists trampled to death in the mad rush to get into the Super Power Building!
Crowds estimated at 25,000,000 Scientologists swarm the new Flag Building during COB RTC David Miscavige’s speech to open the facility. Photo courtesy of Johnny Tank at the criminally suppressive Underground Bunker.
Speaking today from Flag Land Base, Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion said, “Due to the incredibly high demand of Scientology parishioners to begin Super Power the very second the new Flag Building was dedicated, COB RTC David Miscavige kept opening ceremonies to eight minutes.”
“Millions of Scientologists were clamoring to get onto the Super Power Rundown immediately,” Delusion reported. “And given the fact that most of these people had been waiting fifteen years to do the Super Power Rundown, their ‘Gung Ho’ eagerness to route onto Super Power asap is understandable.”
“And this is why,” Delusion explained, “the crowd today at Flag swelled to over 25,000,000 Scientologists.”
“Nevertheless, and tragically,” Delusion stated, “As soon as COB cut the ribbon on the building, some 12,000 Scientologists were trampled to death in the stampede to get into the Super Power Building.”
HCO was unable to bring order as the stampede to get into the new Super Power Building got out of hand!
“Naturally, this being the Church of Scientology,” Delusion added, “the dead are not mourned but are rather encouraged to go pick up new bodies, find their nearest Ideal Org, and then get this ‘death by stampede’ mutual incident handled in session. They pulled it in and they need to handle it. Meanwhile, normal operations have resumed at Flag and we regret any inconvenience the stampede caused.”
“On an unrelated matter,” Delusion noted, “any unused Flag food coupons are not redeemable for cash or for bookstore items. They may, however, be used in the gift shop.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Nothing to see here! Just dead bodies. Thetans no more. Now, get to the Registrar’s Office!
=================
From Scientology’s Funeral Service
http://www.scientology.org/faq/inside-a-church-of-scientology/funeral-service.html
Come friends,
(He/she) is all right
And (he/she) is gone.
We have our work
To do. And (he/she) has (his/hers).
(He/she) will be welcome there.
To Man!
L. Ron Hubbard
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There were so many in attendance extra space was hired from Dusseldorf,Germany.
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We warned elderly parishioners that the size of the crowds we expected combined with the enthusiastic response we anticipated could be a dangerous mix. You will be gald to know all attendees were required to sign a release absolving RTC, CSI, Flag and any/all persons representing same from any/all liability in the case of any eventuality.
We feel the loss of 12,000 out of the more than 5 million attending is an acceptable loss, in that less than 1/4 of one percent were affected.
COB has assembled (reg) teams to assist the bereaved and has suggested to all those assembled here in Clearwater to leave gold coins in the Theta Fountain in remembrance of the departed.
All parishioners are reminded their funds on account will be held on account for their next body.
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Sage advice from Sea Org Chaplain Whostolemycog.
And oh by the way: The attendance figures have been upgraded to 25,0000,000 people.
The earlier figure of 5,000,000 was based on cars parked in lots A-E yesterday. As yesterday continued, lots E-NNN were filled up. By this morning lots NNNO-SSSSSR had been filled whereupon there were no more parking spots in the six state area.
The final attendance figure may be upwards of 50,000,000 people plus the 5.8 billion watching the event live on the Theta Vision Satellite Network.
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Alexa announced the following website rankings data today:
Due to his posting of graphic footage of the stampede taken from a helicopter, Mikerindersblog.com has overtaken Scientology.org in web hits. That Rinder unabashadly claims to be in a state of affluence (based on web hits) in the wake of such a tragedy speaks to his warped sense of values.
MikeRindersblog.com 16k USA. 67k World
Scientology.org 42k USA, 100k World
OTVIIIisgrrr8.com 117k USA, 730k World
COB’s distress at finding himself so far behind the bitter, defrocked apostate Rinder should be tempered by the fact thee in RTC have managed to nearly break into the hot 100k in the USA. I’ll offer congratulations, since I heard COB is in foul humor today.
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There was plenty of room in the A-J section, although I admit, it was rather hidden between the A&E and HE&R sections. The security guard asked for my credentials, and I told him I was Type III, he said, Well Done! and let us through.
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How many did COB trample by himself?
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RTC RED ALERT
There is an internet spoof claiming that only 1700 people attended the event.
This spoof is based upon a fake ‘helicopter flyover” supposedly made by two former Church members and heavily photoshopped photos showing a small crowd.
This is not true.
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I see they even moved the Fort Harrasment Hotel further away from the SP building just for this event. Amazing what you can do with Sooopah Powaaz!
On a more serious note; I heard the event was visible from space! Pope David Miscavige will be canonized in his own lifetime. Astounding!
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Dear OTVIII,
Woooooooow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited that the Super Powers are finally being released for everyone on the planet to experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been doing cartwheels all day!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was particularly impressed that you planned ahead by providing a canopy to protect COB’s hair from being messed up by that wretched helicopter flying overhead. COB’s hair and makeup looked perfect – he looked so life-like!
Very well done, OTVIII!
Best regards from your old pal,
Midwest Mom
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This is hysterical!! Mike Rinder and Mike Bennett – you guys delivered a very effective BLOW to the enemy today!! The Shrinking Cult of Scientology is truly shrinking to nothing! Good job everyone!!
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Unused Flag food coupons are redeemable! You can donate them to the IAS. You cannot claim a higher status though.
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Acceptable loses.
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Are you sure those 25,000,000 weren’t protesters?
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Especially love the photo of the “Apostate Air Force”. Epic!
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And all 12,000 trampled by Kirstie Alley as she was heading for the buffet.
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Dear Sir,
I see the same woman with the red dress some 2,698 times in the above top photo? How do you explain that? I want to have an answer directly from you, our source, before the SPs accuse you of using Photoshop.
Thank you.
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Anette, it is not the same woman in the red dress.
Rather, what you are seeing are the women who belong to the Blonde Intellectual Theta Church Hostesses Educational Society, or BITCHES.
Chaired by OTVII Kirstie Alley, the Flag BITCHES wore red dresses as their official uniform for this planetary-changing event. Unfortunately, Ms. Alley could not attend the event due to a previously scheduled commitment to screech at the United Nations about how the Psychs are butchering our schoolchildren.
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