Due to the BILLIONS of people clamoring for more Scientology events, the Church of Scientology will increase its number of annual events, this according to Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“The Church presently has 7-10 major events each year,” Delusion explained. “However, these events are sold out years in advance and are standing room only. Moreover, the Church has a duty to stage hundreds of extra events in order to prevent lethal stampedes as happened when 12,000 people were trampled to death during COB’s live appearance at the grand opening of the Flag Building.”
“Therefore, to accommodate the overwhelming demand by the general public, Scientology parishioners, staff, and Sea Org for more events, the Church of Scientology will now stage 365 mandatory events each year.”
“Most of these daily events will begin at 6:00 AM and will take place in the homes of Scientology parishioners,” Delusion noted. “Staged by Sea Org members, these events will last until the quota for the day is produced.”