Why Scientology Costs So Much Money

Captain David Miscavige

Imperial Scientology Naval High Command Surface and Undersea Forces Fleet Admiral David Miscavige of the Exalted Religious Technology Center, the Guarantor of Ecclesiastical Purity in all Sectors of the Galaxy excluding those jurisdictions where the Besotted Fleet Admiral is named in lawsuits, subpoenas, depositions, arrest warrants, or where he is otherwise in jeopardy of being held accountable for his own actions.

“We in the Church of Scientology wish to point out that planets don’t clear themselves,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Clearing costs money as do Ideal Orgs, dissemination centers, hyperbaric implanting chambers, and soundproof interrogation rooms.”

“Factually,” Delusion emphasized, “you can’t put a price on TRUTH except we in the Church of Scientology can and do each and every day because someone must. Our technology allows us to do such things as put a price on engrams and other crimes.”

“People must be made to pay for their crimes and we in the Church of Scientology are here to collect their money.”

The RTC E-Meter Police arrest an SP for trafficking in unapproved E-Meters. The public is ordered to write up KR's on any  known or suspected black market activity in unapproved E-Meters.

Raging Homo Sap Raw Meat Wogs are a Danger to All Scientologists.

“As a general rule, an ordinary engram costs, on average, $12,500 to handle. Your typical homo sap raw meat wog usually has hundreds of thousands or millions of engrams. This is why auditing always inevitably adds up to great big sums of money. Such is the price of unenturbulating enturbulated theta.”

“And then of course there are IAS statuses to be purchased.”

11 responses to “Why Scientology Costs So Much Money

  1. Surface and Undersea Fleet Admiral, huh? Wow…good thing he has Admiral James T. Kirk keeping peace throughout this sector galaxy and protecting the secrets of the upper OT levels…otherwise, we’d be overrun with Marcabs bombarding the planet with engramatic entheta.

    It’s not cheap supporting a Star Fleet.

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  2. Captain David Miscavige wants you to leave no stone unturned. Yes, you may be poor but you will be taken advantage of, I mean taken in, I mean fed slop while you work at getting grandma’s and grandpa’s money or mom and dads or unsuspecting public. Thank you, Captain David Miscavige, we are so lucky to have you think for us!

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  3. Money is merely an idea backed by confidence, and considerations are superior to mechanics.

    The prices of the Scientology Star Fleet are simply designed to separate out the able so that they can be free to rise to greater heists.

    Only Interstellar Commodore David Miscavige has the vision to keep Scientology winning in the long haul.

    There has never been a more exciting time to be a scientologist!

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  4. I see a familiar face in that photo. Is that not that OTVIII we saw so ably shattering suppression in that iconic YouTube video? Those sunglasses are unforgettable.

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  5. With Scientology’s excellent and well documented refund police, why would anyone worry about the cost?

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    • Sorry, that’s my fat gorilla fingers, that should be policy, not police.

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      • What an excellent idea! Any person requesting a refund will be directed to The Refund Police and locked in a room where an ecclesiastical intention readjustment program will be administered.

        Processes will be numbered FGH 01/02/03 etc and run truncheon-style until the EP is fully attained – i.e. the person no longer wishes to get a refund.

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  6. I and my fellow Axioms applaud OTVIIIisGrrr8 in his ceaseless quest to educate the wog world in The Fundamental Truths that comprise the core tenets of The Scientology Applied Religious Philosophy.

    This is truly disseminating on a global scale of orders of magnitude! We have calculated that if the 10 million wogs who read this blog become Scientologists and then immediately donate for their 1 million lifetime membership of the IAS, Interstellar Admiral of the Fleet Miscavige will have his new flagship ready in literally no time (time being an artificial meat-body consideration).

    As LRH said, “You want clearing? Well clearing costs and right here is where you start paying.” And, “The whole agonized future of this planet, every man, woman and child on it, and your own destiny for the next endless trillions of years depend on how much you pay right here and now to Scientology.”

    So, for god’s sake, let’s get busy and start paying our way to a better tomorrow. Giving is freedom. Wealth is poverty.

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  7. “I, JennyAtLAX, declare and state as follows:

    “I have known the Imperial Naval Command High Surface and Undersea Forces Fleet Admiral, David Miscavige (“INCHSUFFA”), of the Exalted Religious Technology Center, the Guarantor of Ecclesiastical Purity in all Sectors of the Galaxy, for over twenty-five years. INCHSUFFA, in the years I have known him, has treated me with kindness, compassion and understanding that knows no bounds.

    “When we opened our new Ideal Orgs in this Sector of the Galaxy (excluding those jurisdictions where INCHSUFFA is named in lawsuits, subpoenas, depositions, arrest warrants, or where he is otherwise in jeopardy of being held accountable for his own actions), I was there, under INCHSUFFA’s direction—in communication with him every day, to establish those facilities. Those Churches are exquisite and working on them was one of the most exciting projects I have ever done. I was getting the staff set up in the new dissemination centers, uniformed, getting them trained on the hyperbaric implanting chambers, grooving them in our state-of-the-art soundproof interrogation rooms, working on promotion and reaching out to the local community, bringing in new raging homo sap raw meat wogs.

    “INCHSUFFA granted me the utmost care and importance on my job and I knew then that this was an executive like no other. INCHSUFFA was interested in every detail and proud of the accomplishment of the staff and let us know.

    “I have been spent a minimum of five thousand hours with INCHSUFFA. I know every inch of him. Every meeting has been toward increasing our competence, ability and purpose to bring about a renaissance on the planet with TRUTH. Our technology allows us to do such things as put a price on engrams; homo sap raw meat wogs must pay for their crimes.

    “In the last few years, there has been Church expansion at orders of magnitude only previously dreamed of, led by INCHSUFFA, and with a proud management team following his lead. We have so much more to come. We are in our prime and are just now getting going. The future is brighter than it has ever been.

    “I declare that the foregoing is true and correct.”

    JennyAtLAX

    http://www.freedommag.org/sites/default/files/declaration06.pdf
    http://www.lawrencewrightgoingclear.com/sites/default/files/App11-Jenny%20Linson.pdf
    http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1004/02/acd.01.html

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    • There you have it you stupid wog haters: A deposition from Captain JennyAtLAX telling the TRUTH about INCHSUFFA!!!!

      VWD Captain JennyAtLAX!

      You are highly commended and awarded extra rice and beans!

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      • I would like to add my congratulations to JennyAtLAX on her well deserved award.

        And I am well aware that Sea Org members are tough sons of bitches and don’t need such luxuries, but perhaps she might also be awarded an extra ration of toilet paper?

        She will undoubtedly enjoy all those extra beans, but ‘ input = output’ as they say…

        Like

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