North Korea Celebrates Humanitarian David Miscavige

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North Korea declared today “Humanitarian David Miscavige Day.” An award ceremony was held at the Holiday Inn in Pyongyang. Goat meat, potatoes, powdered milk, rice, and healthful Russian vodka was served.

Humanitarian David Miscavige gave a six-hour speech on Scientology and human rights. This speech was politely greeted by spontaneous outbursts of applause.

An unnamed official from the North Korean Justice Ministry boldly denounced Humanitarian David Miscavige’s enemies as the tools of “Western Capitalist Pigs” and the “Hateful American Bankers.” Additional remonstrations were made against Psychiatry and the “Running Dog Lackeys of HBO.”

The North Korean generals  present expressed great admiration for the many medals of Humanitarian David Miscavige. They further complimented Mr. Miscavige on his lifelike appearance and mannerisms.

North Korean senior military officials arrive for the opening ceremony of the Cemetery of Fallen Fighters of the KPA in Pyongyang

The International Association of Scientologists reciprocated the generosity of North Korea by declaring North Korean Supreme Leaser Kim Jong-un to be the greatest, wisest, and most handsome world leader in 50,000 years of history. $2,560,000 in cash from the US IAS MT was also donated to North Korea along with an ample supply of wheelbarrows, tractors, and shoes.

3 responses to “North Korea Celebrates Humanitarian David Miscavige

  1. What, no Sea Org were RPF’d and sent there as a token of good will? Dave is obviously slipping.

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  2. How about the torture equipment Premier Kim asked for? Not to mention the crate of Jim Beam and MDMA he wanted? Premier Kim is very upset about these omissions and instead of giving Chairman Miscavige the personal guided tour of the labor camps Miscavige asked for, it is possible that DM will be viewing them from the inside.

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  3. A rare opportunity I’m sure for the two dear leaders to exchange life stories of living life without poop-holes.

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