Scientology OT VIII Tom Cruise was strapped into the super-secret RTC TR3-B hypersonic spaceplane. He had been scrambled aloft following yet another Marcabian incursion into the air space above Flag Land Base. Suddenly, a trio of Marcab V fighters appeared on his six o’clock! Firing laser cannon, Major Tom Cruise’s ship was hit and burst into flames. Cruise had to eject and was hurtled into space.

As he drifted alone between Teegeeack and the Moon, Major Tom Cruise had to make a quick decision: Return to Flag Land Base or go to Scientology’s Theta Lunar Base? He decided neither and used his nuclear-fueled rocket pack to head off to the heavily armed Fort Hubbard on Mars where he could pick up a bigger and better space fighter plane.

His radio having been destroyed, Cruise had no way of communicating with Flag Land Base Teegeeack. On the ground at Flag panic ensued. “Fleet Admiral Miscavige!,” shrieked Space Radar Ops Ensign Stayta Kleer, her voice awash in thetanic panic, “Major Tom has been shot down by the Marcabs!”

Everyone in the control room fell silent. They knew Major Tom was gone. The mighty thetan had fallen defending Scientology organizations, the Golden Age of Tech, Ideal Orgs, the IAS, FDFW, Narconon and everything else for which Scientology stood, this albeit as a series of legally separate corporations the daily affairs of which are in no way managed by Fleet Admiral Miscavige.

Upon hearing that Tom Cruise had ended cycle, Fleet Admiral Miscavige immediately grabbed his phone and filed an electronic claim on Tom’s new luxury condo in Clearwater. He wanted that place. It was new and BT-free; this quite unlike Flag Land Base which was quite literally swarming with BT’s and useless CICS staff members — not that there were any real differences between the two.