Alien Abduction Incident Report. January 1, 2022. 0632 Hours. Clearwater, Florida. As he walked the quiet early morning streets around Flag Land Base, Space Admiral David Miscavige was abducted by a marauding […]
“The Perseverance rover was scouting the Marcabian between-lives implanting stations on Mars when it discovered a 75 million year old Scientology e-meter,” said NASA Rover Director Ken Delusion. “Follow the science,” Delusion […]
“We in the Church of Scientology are furious with QAnon!” roared Ken Delusion. “Selling paranoia and fear and implaning people is Scientology’s core business market,” Delusion emphasized. “QAnon has no goddamned business trying to cut into our lucrative Fear and Porn market.
Scientology OT VIII Tom Cruise was strapped into the super-secret RTC TR3-B hypersonic spaceplane. He had been scrambled aloft following yet another Marcabian incursion into the air space above Flag Land Base. […]
“Marcab Implanting Ships today attempted to conduct a menacing low-level flyby of Saint Hill,” reported Scientology Civil Defense Warden Ken Delusion. “HCOB called order and all Scientologists immediately assembled and put tractor […]
Little Benjie Witt’s mother Bonnie — an OT III — walked into the living room to find Benjie on the floor “playing” with the television remote control. Benjie had turned the television […]
Stock Photo Scientologists Executive Director Alicia Selverson today welcomed our newest nonexistent member Jonas Hammond. “Jonas is already wearing his hat and stepped in to defend Real Scientologist Taryn Teutsch on her […]
We in the Church of Scientology firmly resolve to be a fully Ideal Church in every way in 2018. We therefore make the following resolutions: 1. We will raise all prices 4000% […]
As COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige mounted the podium today to give the keynote address at the 1st annual Conference of Cult Leaders in Crisis, he sensed something was not right. And […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 