Tag Archives: stayta Kleer

Scientology Flag Land Base Adjusts Its Expectations

“In view of the massive statcrash of the past decade, Flag Land Base has adjusted its expectation for SOLO NOTs,” said Captain FLB Stayta Kleer.

“500 on SOLO NOTs is attainable. We only need 372 more people to reach our goal. As an incentive, the tech estimate for six month refreshers has been lowered to $60,000; unless of course sec checking reveals hidden crimes or evil purposes. If such things are found — and they most likely will be given the ‘Ethics bait OT’s’ out there — then the tech estimate will soar to $1,000,000 or higher. We at Flag Land Base simply cannot guarantee anything until you are actually arrived.”

Anthony Scaramucci Appointed as New Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions


“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is pleased to announced the appointment of Mr. Anthony Scaramucci as the new Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions,” said Ken Delusion at the regular Monday press conference. “COB feels that Scaramucci will bring with him that ‘rip everyone a new asshole’ work ethic which COB feels is vital for getting anything done in Scientology.”

“Former SMP E/D Stayta Kleer has been sent to the RPF’s RPF at the Pyongyang Ideal Org due to her chronic counter-intentionedness and evil purposes against COB. Stayta Kleer was trying to destroy Scientology organizations and produced ZERO product for SMP during her one year tenure as E/D.”

“The failure of SMP to produce anything is all her fault. COB gave her every opportunity to do something, anything, and all he got from her was excuses such as ‘SMP has no money, we have not been given any money to do anything. Staff is not being paid and has not been paid for one year yada yada yada.’ Well sorry but that’s not COB’s problem. Stayta Kleer’s job was to make it go right and she didn’t.”

Urine Command!


Captain Ken Delusion strode disgustedly from the men’s room in the music studio at Gold Base and yelled “Urine Command!”

Ensign Stayta Kleer who was standing nearby in the empty hallway replied, “Thank you for recognizing my skill sir! I’m ready to be in command!”

“What?” Delusion said.

“You said that I’m in command.”

“Are you not duplicating? I said ‘Urine Command.'”

“Yes, got it sir. You said ‘You’re in Command!’ And I am ready to be in command.”

“No, Kleer no! I didn’t say you were in command. I was calling for Urine Command to handle the flapping pee sit in there.”

At this point COB and his entourage walked onto the scene. COB barked, “Who are you?” at the Ensign.

“Sir, I’m Stayta Kleer.”

COB screamed “%$#$&%^* I didn’t ask your processing state. I asked who you were! What is your post?”

“Sir, I’m in command and I’m Stayta Kleer!”

“Delusion, &%^$^* what is going on with this CICS ‘State of Clear’? And why is she in command? I thought you were in command of this area!? Do I need to RPF you for hats not wearing?”

“Sir,” Delusion replied, “She is Stayta Kleer but she’s not in command.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass if she’s a Clear! And of course she’s not in command!” COB screamed. “I’m in command!”

“Yes sir, you’re in command. But Stayta Kleer’s misunderstood is that I said ‘Urine Command.'”

“Of course I’m in command and YSCOHB!” COB yelled as he turned and walked into the men’s room to relieve himself. Whereupon, he was shocked and aghast and in total horror to see pee on the men’s room floor!

“Delusion!” COB yelled as he walked out of the men’s room. “There’s pee on the floor in there!”

“Yes sir. Urine command!” Delusion yelled.

“Yes, you told me that already sir,” said Stayta Kleer.

“You’re not in command!” COB shrieked at Kleer. “Delusion, stop staying Ensign Kleer is in command! I’m in command and I’m ordering you to handle this gross Out Tech pee sit now, now, now!”

“Immediately sir!” Delusion then yelled with stern Tone 40 command intention, “Urine Command!”

New Sec Checking Sledge Hammer Increases Confessions 4700x


“When applied standardly to kneecaps, elbows, or heads, the patented new RTC sec checking sledge hammer increases confessions 4700x,” declared CO OSA Inquisitions Captain Stayta Kleer.

“The new Ultra Mark VIII meter circuitry is engineered into the RTC sec checking sledge hammer to give 50,000x faster reads on withholds and crimes.”

“The perfect Christmas gift for any Ethics Officer, the RTC sec checking sledge hammer was piloted by COB RTC David Miscavige and AOLA MAA Julian Smashface. And best of all, because it’s dishwasher safe, pc blood washes off quickly and easily!”

“Priced at only $7995, COB has ordered every Church of Scientology Org, Mission, and social betterment group in the world to have at least ten  RTC sec checking sledge hammers in stock for use on theetie-wheetie dilettantes, those who are under the radar reading the internet, and on all CICS who refuse to donate for their next higher IAS Patron Status!”