The Release of OTIX and OTX Announced!

“And now you know the rest of the story.” explained Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Project Mouse Table was needed for COB to actually write down the numbers involved in OTIX and OTX, numbers so large that, even when written with his tiny fists of fury, the numbers stretched from Int Base to Enoch, Utah. And hence, the world’s longest and costliest mouse table at $890,000,000 has done its duty. COB’s mighty Mouse Table is being laser sawed into one foot sections (1/3 of a meter) and sold along with official RTC burlwood pens to IAS members for a donation of $5,000,000 and a special ‘IAS COB Mouse Table Patron Gloria in Excelsis Deo’ status — a status already achieved by OT’s Bromantica Bob Duggan and Grant Cardone.”

“COB RTC announced today that OTIX and OTX can only be delivered in a special entheta-free underwater city. The FUNDRAISE begins now for the new Super OT Underwater City, an ambitious program requiring massive wherewithal.”


And of course, what else is needed is to create the new and fully embracive 115 volume edition of the OTIX and OTX library on nuclear proof titanium plates and then build new nuclear proof vault in which to house them. Only once these materials are made safe may their release be contemplated — and then again only to those Scientologists who have completed their new GAT II Bridge up to OTVIII and have reached IAS Platinum Chrome Cheeseburger status.

9 replies »

    • “Because of a new influx of body thetans from the 9th commander fleet, everyone must pay $360,000 to re-do OT I-VIII.”
      Sounds like a card you’d draw in some sort of Scientology board game.


  1. Make mine a Double Platinum Chrome Cheeseburger status…with everything…no mustard…diet….and veggie frites instead of fries…to go.


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