COB RTC David Miscavige names Tom Cruise “World’s First Clear!”


Vowing to “never let a woman keep us apart again” COB RTC David Miscavige reunited with his best friend this evening during the IAS ceremony at East Grinstead, Sussex. And as if their reunion were not enough, COB proclaimed Tom Cruise the world’s first Clear.

“Prior to GAT II, the state of Clear had never been truly reached,” Mr. Miscavige declared to the busload of Scientologists in attendance. “But now, thanks to the revolutionary technical breakthrough that is GAT II, Tom Cruise went Clear last month at Flag Land Base.”

Speaking to the nearly packed front row, Tom Cruise  announced, “I… I.. I am finally me. I am myself and I am not someone else… not… not… I’m not anyone else except myself for the first time in forever. Any my reactive mind? POW! Gone. Vanished.”

“Thank you COB, thank you sir,” Tom Cruise said, “thank you for the magical semicircle that is GAT II, thank you for cancelling the last vestiges of wog reasonability and rationality in the Church,  and thank you for obliterating Psychiatry. We finally have a chance to begin clearing this planet at the scene of one accident at a time.”

COB then awarded himself the Medal of Victorious Valor, a singular medal eclipsing by magnitudes of importances and significances Tom Cruise’s Medal of Valor. And certainly COB’s Medal of Victorious Valor makes the very common IAS medals look like the dull tin stars worn by Venezuelan dictators.

11 replies »

  1. Bodies working overtime
    Your money don’t matter
    The clock keeps ticking
    When someone’s on your mind

    Bodies working overtime
    Man against man
    And all that ever matters

    Funny but it’s always the same

    Playing, playing with the boys


  2. Is it true that Tom Cruise presented Dear Leader, COB, with diamond encrusted Hello Kitty fanny pack to keep his Medal of Victorious Valor close, yet out of sight from Sea Org thieves? I also heard that there was a procession line of OTs to receive an ecclesiastical slap across the face from the two biggest beings in the universe.


    The news just gets better and better!
    And look at that picture!
    I think I went clear just from looking at it…..Yes, I´m sure I did!


  4. What is going on in RTC these days ?
    Has Senior C/S Int gone astray on a cosmic ride on Hale-Bopp or what ?
    How come nobody has their obnosis in ?
    This is a clearest case of Siametic Clear I’ve ever seen !
    Just look at the picture for COB’s sake !!!


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