Church of Scientology Announces Project Ouija Board!


COB RTC David Miscavige today announced that the Church of Scientology had obtained exclusive global rights for the Ouija Board from Parker Brothers.

“COB is convinced,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion,” that the Ouija Board will serve as a means to attract millions of New Age practitioners into the Church of Scientology.”

“Frankly,” Delusion noted, “the Church’s stats have crashed so massively in the past three years that we in the Church of Scientology are now actively reaching out to various spiritual communities in search of raw meat new members.”

“COB’s previous success in recruiting Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam into the Church of Scientology bodes well for his new Project Ouija Board as a means to boom the Ideal Orgs,” Delusion stated.

“The one precaution we are taking,” Delusion added, “is to warn Ouija Board practitioners to stay away from the demon spirit ZoZo, a discarnate SP who uses the Ouija Board to terrify mortals.”

15 responses to “Church of Scientology Announces Project Ouija Board!

  1. I wish I can be called: ZO ZO now. Also, I think that the name: Ken is the name of many Scientologists that I have met.


  2. Pingback: Church of Scientology Announces Project Ouija Board! | Ex-Scientologists Ireland

  3. Can I have a refund for Project Mouse Table?


  4. Well I’m going to ask the obvious question – has anyone tried to contact L. Ron with one of these?

    We need a map to target 2 and I’d also like to know what he thinks about COB (Hubbard likely remembers him as the applebox kid) taking over as source.


  5. To Scientology 411-We contacted Elron the other night. He wasn’t aware it was Miscavige, he thought it was just an older and odder Pat Broeker. He didn’t really mind that Wee Davy has changed the tech since the number one priority, “Make money, make money, and more money” is being followed. He wants his cut in a cashier’s check BTW.


  6. I need some guidance. I have a non- source ouija board. That I’ve been using all these years.
    Should I disavow the spirits I’ve been speaking with? Are these Suppressive Spirits (SPiriits)?
    Can they enturbulate my soul?


  7. Gee, when I tried with my Ouija Mark III, all I got was “At the sound of the tone, please leave a message”. (I am impressed, because I did not have an audio hook-up. Is this one of the upper level OT levels?)


  8. I think Sorry!™ would be more appropriate (don’t worry – I ain’t holdin’ my breath).


  9. Hey, ZoZo, go climb up Kirstie Alley’s ass and join the rest of your colleagues.


  10. Isn’t there a move by that name? زوزو in Arabic


  11. Finally a project that has some scientific validity, and as many followers as Jediism.


  12. Let’s hope the Ouiga Board helps with their use of The English Lanuage and spelling!


  13. Oh great, more word clearing from yet another demon.


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