COB RTC David Miscavige today announced that the Church of Scientology had obtained exclusive global rights for the Ouija Board from Parker Brothers.
“COB is convinced,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion,” that the Ouija Board will serve as a means to attract millions of New Age practitioners into the Church of Scientology.”
“Frankly,” Delusion noted, “the Church’s stats have crashed so massively in the past three years that we in the Church of Scientology are now actively reaching out to various spiritual communities in search of
raw meat new members.”
“COB’s previous success in recruiting Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam into the Church of Scientology bodes well for his new Project Ouija Board as a means to boom the Ideal Orgs,” Delusion stated.
“The one precaution we are taking,” Delusion added, “is to warn Ouija Board practitioners to stay away from the demon spirit ZoZo, a discarnate SP who uses the Ouija Board to terrify mortals.”