“The Ultra Mark VIII was designed with lithium ion batteries in order to achieve unparalleled new heights in the sacrament of religious electropsychometry as standardly practiced in the Church of Scientology,” stated Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“And yet,” Delusion continued, “the wog designers of the Mark VIII failed to predict how the extreme speed of blowing charge in GAT II would lead to a localized overheating situation within the meter.”
“GAT II trained auditors using the the Mark VIII were blowing so much charge so quickly — and on so many cases — that fires broke out in virtually every auditing room in the Org!”
“Per policy, the MAA called ‘HCO Bring Order!’ whereupon a safe and orderly evacuation of the Org ensued with no injuries,” Delusion noted.
“And make no mistake about it — COB cares so very deeply about the well-being of Scientology parishioners.”
“While our wog engineers look for a fix, COB has ordered the QMF — the Quantum Meter Fleet — back into active service worldwide, this to ensure that the wildly successful momentum of GAT II continues unabated,” Delusion added. “And indeed the monster blowout wins being reported in GAT II sessions are pouring into RTC at the record rate of 92,000 success stories every hour!”
“The lesson to be learned here,” Delusion concluded, “is that COB’s vital and planetary-changing GAT II technology is so extraordinarily powerful that it pushed the new Ultra Mark VIII to the edge and beyond.”