15 November 2013
SUPPRESSIVE GROUP DECLARE
JOHN P. CAPITALIST AND HIS BLOG
John P. Capitalist and his criminally suppressive blog are hereby declared a Suppressive Group for their many HIGH CRIMES:
1. Attempting to apply analysis — what we call “think think figure figure” — to the Church of Scientology. The fact is that Church is so far beyond Homo Sap analysis that it boggles the mind. We don’t care to be analyzed nor do we care to have our memory refreshed.
2. Summarizing the contents of other Church of Scientology-hating websites in one convenient location, thus making access to the “best” hateful comments of the day easier to find and read, thus putting in peril Scientology parishioners who are “on the fence.” This summary is very enturbulating and is a matter of concern to we in RTC. Example of Summary.
3. Attempting to compile actual statistics on the Church of Scientology, it’s finances, and it’s cash burn rate. This could lead somewhere that we do not like, want, or need.
4. Plotting the downfall of COB RTC David Miscavige while falsely calling it analysis.
5. Criminal Joking & Degrading.
6. Seeking correct data about the Church of Scientology. This is the HIGHEST CRIME there is. One may only have the data about the Church which we RTC choose to give. Here is your only terminal in the entire universe for correct data about the Church: Scientology.org. Splurge on it.
7. Seeking a correct datum. There only one correct datum. We have it and only make it available to the called and chosen of the MV Freewinds.
Per scripture, any person found to be connected to a Suppressive Group may not thereafter be enrolled in the Saint Hill Solo Audit Course or the Clearing Course.
In accordance with this same policy, no member of a Suppressive Group may ever be employed by any Church of Scientology mission without special clearance.
The Church of Scientology is currently engaged in our most rapid period of expansion in history. All Scientologists are warned to not let John P. Capitalist or his blog distract us from keeping up with the increasing demand for Standard Scientology.
Ecclesiastical Sentencing: We in RTC hereby sentence John P. Capitalist to the Pain Station! The pain of the spikes repeatedly applied to his writing hand will teach him the serious errors of his ways!
I was wondering what the waffle iron was for.
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
It is unkillable by fire. Only money, and lots of it, will sate its hunger.
We in Global Capitalism HQ are honored to have impinged enough on you in RTC to warrant an extremely rare SP declare. We should, however, point out that your idea to keep John P. from posting by grinding his hand into your pain station is unlikely to work. Here is a photo of John P.’s desk in his office, just off the main trading floor. Note: we have substituted an anonymous male model for John in the chair in this photo to protect his privacy.
Given this mighty engine of computation, you would think it reasonable to believe that he has a) badass voice recognition software to dictate his every thought or b) has legions of interns and other flunkies to accomplish the same thing.
“We have the smoking gun,” COB RTC David Miscavige said today from Flag Land Base, “which is to say, a photo sent to us from the self-admitted CEO of Big Pharma sitting in his NASA-like control room making billions of dollars each second by selling deadly Psych drugs — all of which explains why Johnny can’t read, why the newspapers are full of bad news, and yes, why our food is genetically engineered, this all part of a Brave New World wherein Psych drugs promise ‘feel good solutions’ in pill form that actually kill.”
“And to no one’s surprise, or at least it is no surprise if one is a Scientologist, the SP always does himself in and so this Psych sent us a photo of himself and you can see it here on the big screen.”
“All of which is to say,” COB continued, “that the Psych Empire is crumbling due to the Scientology juggernaut of straight up and vertical expansion that is Super Power and GAT II. And so now we can finally say ‘Sayonara Psychs’ as we launch the New Civilization today!”
My safari bookmarks read from left to right: Tampa Bay Times, The Underground Bunker, John P. Capitalist, OTVIIIisgreat! After reading the daily posts, I’m in need of a good laugh. You’re my dessert!
We should actually thank John P. for his blog. There are two reasons for this.
1. The considerable time and effort John P. devotes to his blog highlight the success the RCS (Royal Church of Scientology) is having. John P. isn’t writing about Pastafarianism, because people wearing a colander on their head are no threat to the Psychs and Big Pharma. Like John P., they’re just batshit crazy freaks on the fringes of the internet However, with the impending release of GAT II, Big Pharma realizes a tipping point has been reached. The Royal Church of Scientology led by Emperor Miscaviage is on the verge of clearing the planet before the end of the decade. Over half the world’s population are now Scientologists. Millions more convert daily. John P. is desperately attempting to staunch the hemorrhaging loss of his Psychs to the sanity of Scientology with his last ditch effort to enturbulate existing parishioners and a weak attempt to frighten the throngs now lined up outside Ideal Orgs around the world clamoring for help from the threat imposed by Big Pharma.
2. John P. is a capitalist. As such he has no interest in anything but money. Were his profits not threatened by the sanity of everything Scientology represents, does anyone believe he would be committing the thousands of words he does to his effort? We think not.
Every word John P. writes is evidence of the sanity Scientology brings to the world. Remember this when IAS calls to ask for another donation.
Scientology = WINNING!! Global Capitalism HQ = LOSING!!
Captain whostolemycog you speak the truth in a world filled with lies.
Yes, the demand for Scientology is the highest it has ever been.
Yes, millions of new people become Scientologists everyday.
Yes, John P. Capitalist is, paradoxically, helping to boom the Ideal Orgs by attacking the Church. People everywhere read John P.’s blog and think to themselves, “This guy is probably an old GO Crim trying to enforce his universe on me. I think I’ll go find out what Scientology is FOR MYSELF.”
And so that is the key: FIND OUT ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY FOR YOURSELF BY COMING IN TODAY FOR A FREE PERSONALITY TEST!
No stinking thinking!
Didn’t LRH say “Make money. Make more money. Make other people make money.” I mean if it isn’t written it isn’t true? Right?