Church of Scientology Prepares to Launch Super Power and GAT II

Talk about Excitement!

There is literally electricity in the air here at Flag Land Base as we prepare to implant blow people fifty feet out of their heads!

We in RTC have decided to give you a little peek at the thrills that COB RTC David Miscavige has in store for Cornerstone members on Super Power!

Super Power Process 9A: The Quick Freeze

1. Following full body immersion in the Soap Tank, the steam catapult hurls the Scientology parishioner fifty through the air like a greased pig straight into the Water Wall for final rinse.

2. Once this pre-cleaning process is done, the parishioner is zapped by a beam, whereupon, he or she is conveyed into the Glycol Alcohol Freezer Unit in preparation for long distance transport to a faraway location.

“This merciless and unforgiving ecclesiastical machine,” Mr. Miscavige noted, “is astonishingly supernatural in its exact effects upon the thetan. Thus, it serves my wholetrack purposes to handle Scientology.”


9 replies »

  1. Sir, I think there may be an error. “OTVIIIisGrrr8!” is listed as an SP and has a photo that looks like someone else….


  2. At this precise moment you may be the funniest person in the world. What a shame the people who need you most are enjoined from reading you. Humor is the perfect medium for subversion — people can resist attacks on their logic but once they laugh at something they were afraid of, they’re free of it. Just keep it up, both for the entertainment value and the more serious purpose.


  3. Are you sure you are not describing how a fast food franchise cooks and freezes food before shipping it around the world?


  4. Did someone say “may” be the funniest person in the world?
    Come to your senses he is the funniest, or I’m not David Miscavige.


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