Golden Age of Tech Phase II — COB’s New & Simplified Grade Chart!

Speaking today at a crowded press conference from Flag Land Base where comprehensively incoherent preparations for GAT II are underway, Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion announced one the most sweeping technical changes ever.

“COB RTC David Miscavige has perfected the Grade Chart. And make no mistake about it,” Delusion emphasized, “the Founder wrestled with the Grade Chart. It is only through COB’s dedicated work as the top technical terminal on the planet that the new Grade Chart was perfected.

The old and confusing Grade Chart

The old and really confusing Grade Chart

“Seriously, look at how unnecessarily complicated the old Grade is with all that writing on it. So yes, if you find it hard to read it’s not your fault. Those SP transcriptionists from the wrong side of the gene pool really managed to mangle the old grade chart.”

“COB’s most brilliant work was to boldly make IAS membership and sec checks actual Bridge actions — and this due to the fact that they have become actual Bridge actions. COB expects Scientologists to not only increase their IAS Patron status on an ongoing basis, he also expects them to regularly spit out their crimes during sec checks if they ever hope to go up their Bridge.”

“The most unique feature of Mr. Miscavige’s new grade chart is that it is circular. This is necessary given the fact that New OT VIII’s are so blown out by their wins and complete cause over life that they need the grounding of the Basics and the Purif. And yes, the chart will be revised just as soon as COB releases OT IX and OT X!”

“I’m really looking forward to both GAT II and OT IX and OT X,” Delusion fondly concluded.

GAT.II

The new and easy to understand GAT II Grade Chart

18 responses to “Golden Age of Tech Phase II — COB’s New & Simplified Grade Chart!

  1. LOL! Thank you for your humor – I needed that.
    Cece

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  2. Mr. Miscavige was as proud as punch at the unveiling.

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  3. By definition, a bridge is linear. Easy to understand…point A to point B.

    The new GAT-II chart looks to be circular.

    1. Won’t publics see this as a Merry-go-round instead of a bridge?

    2. Is this new configuration due to Davis Jackinov?

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    • If one had a fancy car-boat, the fact is that one could cross any bridge, circle the planet, and come back to the same bridge.

      Bridges are therefore just sections of a sphere.

      And yes, the new configuration is due to Davis Jackinov.

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  4. Another great new feature of His circular grade chart: you can go around it either clockwise or anticlockwise, and still end up in the same place.

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  5. A circular bridge makes sense since the motion of a screw turning is circular. And the bridge is a good screwing that’s for sure.

    And my don’t those COB loyalty checks and IAS grades certainly sound like loads of fun?

    Brilliant stuff OTVIIIisGrrr8! COB must be beaming with pride!

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  6. Brilliant!!! I couldn’t help but think how we are all connected in each others Dynamics…so couldn’t or shouldn’t this new (and more appropriate) Bridge be called The Great Circle of Life? Mufasa COB has once again roared down at us from atop Pride Rock!

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    • It is splendid to think of the new Grade Chart as the Scientology Circle of Life!

      Just be sure that you have sufficient lines of credit or the Scientology Circle of Life will devour you like Mufasa shredding a wildebeest!

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  7. Isn’t there supposed to a hole in the middle and a rubber stopper so you can spin the thing around chocolate wheel style?

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  8. r2-45 for all wogs

    greetings otviiiisgrrr8! i have taken a very brief amount of time from my fundraising for the ao at castle kyalami to chime in on the absolute brilliance of cob on the re-design of the bridge for gat2! i totally see where he is going, after all, a bridge definitely ends at some point. however, with a circular bridge, there is never a fall off or total completion thus leading to never-ending classes, grades, sec checks and fundraising! as i said before, absolutely f’ing brilliant! three cheers for cob! hip hip hooray! hip hip hooray! hip hip hooray! [now back to kyalami where i am hitting up several members for “exemplary patronius fleet masterhanded platinum style with flare and zazz” donor status to hit that $25mm goal that cob has set for me] ps – any word on otix and x? i swear, my head is going to explode with all of the surprises that cob has in store for us lucky scilons πŸ™‚

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  9. Clockwise or counter-clockwise?

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  10. Does the whole thing spin, or is there a dial that the C/S thumps?

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  11. Do you have to pay each time you circle it?

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  12. OT8, would it be fair to say that anyone studying Scientology is just running in circles?

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  13. Time for you Naysayers and Stuck-in-your-Head twits to get honest and straight as in: Sec-Check time for y’all!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Anyone who can’t “see” (naysayers and twits) how the Grade Chart now “FLOWS” has obviously NOT had any honest and forthright experience in studying Church doctrine and/or “fully” participating in it.

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