Dr. Eldon Weiner of Freedom Magazine today revealed details of yesterday’s shocking burglary wherein 39,000 RTC burlwood pens were stolen from a Church of Scientology warehouse in Los Angeles.
“The thieves ignored the 20,000 new GAT II E-Meters that have been sitting on the shelves for ten years and went straight for the burlwood pens,” said Dr. Weiner. “That fact alone tells you that the thieves were wogs because those new meters are worth their weight in gold for finding and locating areas of charge.”
Asked by reporters what the Church would now do to fulfill the “tens of thousands” existing orders for the distinctive RTC burlwood pens, Dr. Weiner declared, “Parishioners who donated $5,000 for an official RTC burlwood pen will get a pen.”
“What we did,” Weiner explained, “was to order 39,000 Bic pens from Staples. We are having Sea Org members wrap each pen with burlwood contact paper. The result is a handsome burlwood-like pen that can be used for writing, so the Church has made good on the orders.”