Church of Scientology Now Selling Sea Org Ranks!

While the IAS has sold faux-knighthoods in the past few years, this has failed to raise any real money. Whereupon, based upon actual survey, it has become evident to we in RTC that what our status-obsessed Church of Scientology parishioners crave is the elite status of being in a Sea Org. Then again, they don’t actually want to join the Sea Org because they are all pantywaist dilettantes.

COB has the answer.

The super-elite status of being in the Sea Org without actually having to be in the Sea Org can now be yours!

And yes, everyone will call you “Sir” when you walk into the room.


Are you man enough to write a big check and sit at COB’s table with the big boys?


Note: For a small upcharge of $75,000 we will issue you a genuine Sea Org dagger. Imagine everyone’s surprise when you walk into the room and hurl your Sea Org dagger into the ceiling! Now that is Ethics Presence that impinges!

3 replies »

  1. Ten minutes after this post, I contacted Capital One about raising my credit card limit to take advantage of this great offer. Once I said the word “Scientology,” they hung up. After about 20 repeated calls, I decided to try another tack. Thirty minutes ago, Alec Baldwin knocked on my door and when I opened it, he punched me in the nose and called me a “fuckin’ idiot.” Does the IAS have financing available…?


    • Yes, you can charge all Church of Scientology goods and services using your Ideal Org Gas Stations card!

      Terms and conditions apply. Contact your friendly IAS Credit Service Bureaux today for details.


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