Tag Archives: Citizens Commission on Human Rights

The WHO Behind the Drug Pandemic


The WHO behind the global drug pandemic is Mrs. Alice Mayville-Swope of Liverpool.

She controls 95% of the world’s legal and illegal drug market and conducts a reign of terror to enforce it. What began as selling the Devil’s Weed in 1968 turned into an illicit drug empire the profits of which she used to purchase legitimate pharmaceutical companies.

Many have been fooled into thinking that Alice’s sister Gladys is the Kingpin. After all, Gladys with her fancy cars, mansions, private jets, mega yacht, and her long string of criminal trials in which she has always been found “not guilty” are the distraction and millions were fooled. We in RTC were never fooled. We in RTC always knew it was Alice.

“Connecting the dots in Alice Mayville-Swope’s unholy pandemic of drug-fueled terror across the nineteen continents and 15,906 countries of this world,” exclaimed COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige, “CCHR investigators uncovered the fact that Mayville-Swope owns Pfizer, the manufacturer of Vistaril.

“It stands to reason then that when Mayville-Swope sat about to destroy Scientology she attempted to do so by sending in so-called helpers to Creston. Armed with Vistaril, these helpers engaged in the most horrendous plot….

“I had an alibi of course. I was drinking and gambling in Reno with Gene Denk. I even have the hotel and meal receipts and keep them to this day in my personal safe.

“I was able to step into the gap and take over. Thus, I saved Scientology at a time when it was threatened from within and without!

Moreover, Alice’s “Bluebird Network” is infamous in countries where one wants inconvenient people disposed of quietly and without sorrow.

The rumors that Martin Bormann escaped in an armored Bluebird are true. He made his way through Russian lines and thence onto the U-252 which was waiting for him offshore at Brest. He was landed in Paraguay whereupon he used his enormous horde of plundered wealth to, among other things, finance Alice Mayville-Swope’s rise to power.

Do you see how this all fits together?

Beware of Alice!


Church of Scientology Now Selling Sea Org Ranks!

While the IAS has sold faux-knighthoods in the past few years, this has failed to raise any real money. Whereupon, based upon actual survey, it has become evident to we in RTC that what our status-obsessed Church of Scientology parishioners crave is the elite status of being in a Sea Org. Then again, they don’t actually want to join the Sea Org because they are all pantywaist dilettantes.

COB has the answer.

The super-elite status of being in the Sea Org without actually having to be in the Sea Org can now be yours!

And yes, everyone will call you “Sir” when you walk into the room.


Are you man enough to write a big check and sit at COB’s table with the big boys?


Note: For a small upcharge of $75,000 we will issue you a genuine Sea Org dagger. Imagine everyone’s surprise when you walk into the room and hurl your Sea Org dagger into the ceiling! Now that is Ethics Presence that impinges!

Church of Scientology News: Burlwood Pen Burglarly!

Dr. Eldon Weiner of Freedom Magazine today revealed details of yesterday’s shocking burglary wherein 39,000 RTC burlwood pens were stolen from a Church of Scientology warehouse in Los Angeles.

“The thieves ignored the 20,000 new GAT II E-Meters that have been sitting on the shelves for ten years and went straight for the burlwood pens,” said Dr. Weiner. “That fact alone tells you that the thieves were wogs because those new meters are worth their weight in gold for finding and locating areas of charge.”

Dr Eldon Weiner assures Church of Scientology parishioners that they will get a burlwood-like pen.

Asked by reporters what the Church would now do to fulfill the “tens of thousands” existing orders for the distinctive RTC burlwood pens, Dr. Weiner declared, “Parishioners who donated $5,000 for an official RTC burlwood pen will get a pen.”

“What we did,” Weiner explained, “was to order 39,000 Bic pens from Staples. We are having Sea Org members wrap each pen with burlwood contact paper. The result is a handsome burlwood-like pen that can be used for writing, so the Church has made good on the orders.”

Nation of Islam Scientologists Warn: Beware of the So-Called Jew!

COB RTC David Miscavige is pleased to promote the anti-Semitic musical stylings of  his fellow Scientologists in the Nation of Islam. This song is well worth the listen to as it shows the fruit of Scientology Technology as applied by the Nation of Islam.

The video begins with 16 seconds of silence during which a very funny Nation of Islam joke about Jews and Christmas is displayed.

David Miscavige Crowned Emperor of the Church of Scientology!

The coronation of Emperor Miscavige heralds a new age for Mankind in which peoples from all nations will unite under his leadership and embrace Scientology as the new one world religion.

Today before a crowd of Scientology parishioners estimated at 12,000,000, Mr. David Miscavige was crowned Emperor of the Church of Scientology.

Billions watched on television or online. The event was filmed and  will be shown daily at all Ideal Orgs for at least five years. We in RTC want to make sure everyone sees it.

Dr. Eldon Weiner of Freedom Magazine

“GAT II really pushed Scientologists over the edge,” declared Dr. Eldon Weiner of Freedom Magazine. “The magnitude of the greatness of GAT II  is what caused the abrupt and sudden origination on COB’s part that he be immediately crowned  Emperor Miscavige.”

“The great honor of crowning the new Emperor was given to elder Church statesman Norman Starkey,” said Dr. Weiner. “However, it seems that Norman somehow became accidentally intoxicated in the pre-coronation festivities whereupon he pawed a few actresses who were present and then fell asleep in a corner.”

Norman Starkey speaking onboard the Freewinds in 1998.

Norman Starkey speaking onboard the Freewinds in 1998.

“We were going to replace Mr. Starkey with the Emperor’s twin sister Denise Miscavge and have her crown him, but she is off somewhere in a wog detox.”

“Likewise, Scientologist Tom Cruise was not available to crown Emperor Miscavige as he is away filming what will surely be another failed action film.”

“Moreover, Craig Jensen begged off as did John Travolta, Beck, and Bob Duggan, and at least a dozen other OT’s” Dr. Weiner commented.

“That old heavy-bottomed gal with the big mouth, whatshername? Kirstie Alley? Yes, Kirstie. Well, she offered to do the job, but RTC took a pass on her as  she is, and I’m sorry to be blunt, that woman is a flat out embarrassment to the Church of Scientology!”

“Understandably exasperated by these events, Mr. Miscavige took the darned crown off the satin pillow and crowned himself. Charlemagne crowned himself so there is precedent for self-coronation,” Dr. Weiner stated.

All hail Emperor Miscavige!

Emperor David Miscavige

Google Exposed as an NSA Front Group Designed to Attack the Church of Scientology!

“Google is not the ‘friendly search engine’ it  pretends to be,”  declared senior Scientology official Dr. Eldon Weiner.

“After two years of investigation, we in the Church of Scientology have obtained incontrovertible proof that Google is a covert NSA operation whose real purpose is to attack us!”

“The fix is in against Scientology,” Dr. Weiner bitterly complained. “The Google Conspiracy explains why there is never any good news about Scientology out there on any of those wog internets. Just go try to find some good news about us and you can’t! That’s why we had to create our own special Scientology website.”

Dr. Eldon Weiner, Freedom Magazine

“Scientology threatens to destroy the ninety trillion dollar per year market for Psych drugs on this planet,” Weiner emphasized. “And so Google was created by NSA Psychs to ensure that only negative search results for Scientology can be found online.”

“Google is a vicious circle of penile enhancement, porn, Psych drugs, and nonstop attacks on our ecclesiastical leader Mr. David Miscavige,” Dr. Weiner exclaimed. “And that’s why Scientologists are not allowed to use Google!”

“If Scientologists have questions about anything they should talk to a friendly Scientology Ethics Officer or use the approved hardback dictionaries and encyclopedias in their Org library. Other than that, they are ordered to stay off Google and the rest of those damned wog internets! “

COB RTC David Miscavige is Missing! Part 5


Scientology attorney Rick Moxon and his cadre of PI’s took off from Hollywood Boulevard in RTC Viper 1, a specially equipped flying car used in the pursuit and apprehension of blown Sea Org members.


Although David Miscavige had not yet been formally classified as a blown Sea Org member, he was now technically AWOL. Moxon and his men were therefore on a mission to find Miscavige and the mysterious Honda Accord that had spirited him away.

As Moxon steered Viper 1 in the direction of the Sunset Strip, he radioed OSA and said, “Viper 1 inbound to search area; no sign of Stickwood so far.”

“Roger that Viper 1,” OSA replied.

Miscavige had now become “Stickwood” a code name in the search for yet another in an endless series of blown Sea Org members.

The PI’s in Viper 1 used their powerful binoculars to scan the passing cities below for Honda Accords.


Old Ned went back to the work shoveling thousands of ancient Scientology books into the enormous old hospital incinerator at the Complex.

Code named “the Beast”, the old incinerator came with the property when the Church purchased the Complex.

Anything that the Church wanted to disappear without a trace went into the mouth of Beast and so all of these very old books with “transcription errors” went into the flames.

When the Beast got too full of books or anything else, it would struggle for air. That’s when Old Ned would open the auxiliary air feed. Once the auxiliary air  hit the flames there was a big “whoosh” sound as the fire inside the Beast exploded and roared into five times its normal size.