COB RTC David Miscavige today electrified Scientologists with a new breakthrough technical announcement of magnitudes.
“COB does a great deal of why finding,” Church spokesman Ken Delusion explained. “And COB has found the exact why for stalled OT VIII’s, which is to say they are -2 Hope, this because they are all stuck in chronic nattering about the six month refreshers and sec checks at Flag.”
“To remedy the hopeless condition of OT VIII’s, COB has introduced the Purification Rundown and TR’s and Objectives to handle OTVIII’s.
“COB has found that hundreds of hours spent picking up a book or touching a spot on the wall rehabilitates the State of OT and literally brings dead OT VIII’s back to life.”
“OT VIII’s who have done TR’s and Objectives routinely exclaim ‘POW! 1,000 hours of doing TR’s and Objectives blew me away. I never knew how powerful actually feeling the weight and temperature of the same book thousands of times could be! Thank you COB! Thank you sir!”
“Moreover, to raise their necessity level to get onto of OT IX and OT X, Mr. Miscavige has introduced a new “Bridge Zone” called the, “All Orgs Must Be Ideal Zone.”
“A new Grade Chart will be issued as part of GAT 2,” Delusion stated. “COB looks forward to the duplication and compliance of all OT’s if they ever hope to make it to the top of the Bridge.
“This new Grade Chart is evidence of RTC’s superiority over all other forms of knowledge and wisdom,” Delusion remarked, “and that is why church members give us all of their money.”