Following the recent shocking infiltration of a Scientology Org by a mentally unbalanced Russian woman, OSA learned during her interrogation that she had smuggled a tampon camera into the Org.
The deadly Psych Tampon Camera was deployed against the Church of Scientology in the recent infiltration wherein millions of sensitive documents were stolen and posted all over the internet.
COB RTC David Miscavige immediately ordered a new Tampon Camera Detection System rushed into production to protect all Scientology Orgs globally.
“If the Orgs are to remain safe from marauding spies and their Psych tampon cameras, then New Civilization Builders are expected to immediately dig deep and donate $500,000,000 to fund the Tampon Camera Detection System,” COB declared in remarks today at Flag Land Base where he is working like a madman to launch GAT 2.
“Looking like a Mars rover, the Tampon Camera Detection System will be able to see through women’s clothing and purses in search of hidden tampon cameras,” COB noted. “This small invasion of privacy is fully justified in the name of the Church of Scientology’s national security interests.”
“Psych tampon cameras”
Priceless!
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Have you asked for enough money?? What about the new maxi-pad camera? The Summers Eve telephoto lens??
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Feminine hygiene products — and it seems women in general — are a definite threat to the Church of Scientology.
New OT VII John Travolta has suggested the Church of Scientology handle this problem by becoming a “male only establishment.”
Travolta showed how a change to ‘male only” would boom the stats of the CCI Purif by over 5000%, particularly is we changed the name of the program to the Scientology Bath House of Hollywood and stayed open until the wee hours of the morning.
We in RTC ordered a trial run at the Celebrity Centre International in Hollywood with Mr. Travolta as the Purif I/C.
The stats boomed 12,000% with men arriving all hours of the day and night to the Scientology Bath House of Hollywood.
Mr. Travolta also introduced the “Mini Purif” whereby Purifgoers could drop by the sauna for just one hour a day — and sometimes for only twenty minutes. This action proved highly successful in male customer retention.
COB evaluated the results and has determined that while the Church itself would not become male only, Celebrity Center International’s Purif will become a male only establishment. As such, CCI will soon be installing a disco, a salad bar, and fluffier towels.
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Does this mean you will be recruiting the Village People en masse to be the house band of the new CCI Purif facility, much as you recruited the Jive Aces to be the house band of Saint Hill?
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I heard you guys installed douche detection devices but ditched them because his royal Cobness David Miscavige kept setting them off.
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That would be a very funny comment were it not criminal in nature. But yes, that is basically what happened.
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Will taking Midol prevent detection by the camera?
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No, but a purif might.
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This give a whole new meaning to the term “pulling the string…”
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(line charging!)
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yes, pulling strings, tying together loose ends, tying the knot, etc.
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Too Funny. Scientology Bath House of Hollywood. A one hr Purif. Isn’t that a tech degrade COB?
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