Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today announced that COB RTC David Miscavige is set to unveil a “revolutionary new e-meter” next month at the annual Flag Understanding Conceptual Knowledge Education Day.
“Personally designed by COB, the new Mark CV e-meter will deliver overwhelming current in amounts designed to knock engrams and other sources of resistance to command intention out of the skulls of even the most obdurate Scientologists,” noted Delusion.
“In accord with the premise of Super Power, the new Mark CV e-meter will deliver a ‘whole body auditing experience’ that will literally erase any considerations to making phenomenal and heroic donations to the IAS,” Delusion added.
Moreover, if only to underscore the magnitude of the importance of the launch of the Mark CV, all Scientologists will be required by COB to immediately donate for ten intensives of this new immersive whole body auditing, this in order to handle all of their false purposes, hidden standards, and withholds.
“No lie will escape detection by the new Mark CV,” Delusion solemnly intoned.
In related news, Flag Land Base CO Mrs. Constant Harangue announced that last evening’s IAS knighting ceremony in Flag Chapel Six was very successful and that no one present expired or otherwise died.