The Softer Side of COB

The Church of Scientology’s wog PR firm Sitrick & Company has instructed we in RTC to begin a new ad campaign.

Called “The Softer Side of COB“, this PR campaign will show the public what COB RTC David Miscavige is like when he is “off duty” and not on the warpath destroying the Global Forces of Psychiatric Suppression.

Sure, these forces threaten to destroy this planet in a psych-drug- fueled thermonuclear holocaust that only the Church of Scientology can prevent. Nevertheless, even COB needs a day off from personally saving the world — and this is the David Miscavige that Sitrick & Company wants the public to see.

For example, below is a never before seen photo of COB relaxing in his private quarters at Int Base. COB does not look like an insane monster or a rampaging  criminal psychopath here. Scientology haters and bitter defrocked apostates must be wrong for we factually see the “Softer Side of COB” in this photo:


If Scientology haters and bitter defrocked apostates are wrong about what COB is like when he is off duty, then what are they wrong about when COB is on duty? In other words, we in the Church of Scientology are asking people to think for themselves and not believe what Scientology haters and bitter defrocked apostates say online about COB or the Church. 

COB RTC David Miscavige is actually very sensitive and aesthetic and that is what we in the Church of Scientology will begin communicating to the public in the “Softer Side of COB” PR campaign.

Sitrick & Company wants the public to see the Church of Scientology’s secret and ultra-private “Palace of Unicorns” at Flag that COB personally designed for only the most elite IAS Patrons such as Bob Duggan who, by the way, is the newest Scientology billionaire.

Welcome to COB’s Palace of Unicorns, Bob!


The benefits of the “Softer Side of COB” ad campaign will allow the public to think of David Miscavige in a new unit of time. This will allow people to see that David Miscavige has been unfairly misunderstood, this because he is so very highly exceptional in his own way.

The fact that David Miscavige has spent hundreds of hours of his valuable time scribbling the face of Tom Cruise’s ex-2D out of thousands of photos shows just how highly exceptional David Miscavige truly is; what other ecclesiastical leader would lavish such care on an individual parishioner?


17 replies »

  1. COB’s “softer side” photo greatly resembles the attire and decor of the late, great talented piano virtuoso, Liberace. That picture is so theta! A true Homo…..Novis.


    • Oddly, I saw the candelabra in the background and the oversized rings and Liberace was the first celebrity who popped into my mind as well. Fortunately, I would never ever think of “swishy” and COB in the same breath, so my confusion extends no further than the visual similarities in their decor. But I bet COB can bench press way more than “Mr. Showmanship.”


      • While COB can bench press “way more than ‘Mr. Showmanship'” we in RTC really want to keep the focus on COB’s Softer Side. For example, COB enjoys the tap dancing of the Nicholas Brothers:


  2. You forgot to add to your post that COB is so sensitive to the needs of beings around him that he’s stopped kicking his dog for one day.


  3. I really think David — he doesn’t mind if I call him that, does he? Softer side and all. Anyway, he should show us the heart-shaped bed. Only the most sensitive of leaders would have such a bed.

    Take this guy, for example. It’s in Italian, but you get the idea. Only, Zapp’s heart-shaped bed is a hover-bed. Do you in RTC provide your COB with such impressive high-tech accommodations?


    • Not yet CV. The time is not yet in the COB’s Softer Side campaign for the public to see COB’s heart shaped bed.

      One thing at a time.

      For instance, COB does enjoy chocolate — but not too much! (LOL)

      When COB does indulge he prefers dark chocolate truffles by Knipschildt. At $2600 per pound, this is the world’s most expensive chocolate:

      “The most-expensive chocolate he (Knipschildt) sells–a $250 dark chocolate truffle with a French black truffle inside–is available on a preorder-only basis. It’s made of 70% Valrhona cacao, which is blended into a creamy ganache with truffle oil. The truffle is then hand-rolled with a dark truffle on the inside and dusted with cocoa powder.”


  4. My eyes! My eyes! They buuuurn from looking at that photo of Davey!
    The shirt, the jewelry, the decor, his orange complexion – it’s too much to expect anyone to view without the proper eye protection.

    Thank goodness my dog was available to type this for me! Woof! Grrrr!


  5. Thank you Chocolate Velvet. We will ensure that COB knows that you love the dreamy photo of him listening to his collection of vinyl phonograph records.

    COB is very Theta, particularly as compared to former Church spokesman Tommy Davis who was constantly screaming:

    COB would never constantly scream like Tommy did all the time.


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