RTC Update on Project Mouse Table and Burlwood Pens!

Prototype construction continues on COB RTC David Miscavige’s historical, unprecedented, epic, and overwhelming Project Mouse Table. An aerial image from Google shows a 5,000 foot section of the dark red plywood-fiberglass prototype Mouse Table spanning the entire length of Int Base:


The 5,000 foot prototype has proven the concept that COB’s mouse table can be built to its planned 18,000 foot length.

The actual COB Mouse Table will be manufactured from secret materials and housed in an equally secret nuclear-hardened underground tunnel. Six miles in length, the tunnel will be called the Mouse Table Complex (MTC).

While RTC personnel will man the MTC, all IAS Patrons OT III or higher who have completed the SHSBC will be able to tour the facility upon signing the Mouse Table Complex Visitors Bond. The bond obligates the signer to pay $500,000 per occurrence should they ever speak about the Mouse Table Complex or its design and construction to anyone ever. This is done for your safety and ours.

Tens of thousands of Scientologists cheered this good news when it was announced by COB RTC during the recent International Dramatizing-Interiorized OT Speakers event held in the festive and brightly colored implanting station at St. Hill:


Turning now to the topic of burlwood pens, we in RTC are pleased to announce that we have found a craftsman of equal magnitude to John Brousseau, the blown Sea Org member and master craftsman who formerly made RTC burlwood pens to COB’s extreme standards of excellence. COB would actually like John to come back to Int Base for a few weeks to fix things. COB desperately needs all of the lamps changed in his personal suntanning bed and no one in the Sea Org can figure this out — and we in RTC dare not allow a common wog on base to do the work as wogs are all 1.1 degraded beings who would contaminate the base.

Official RTC burlwood pens are now available to all Scientologists in good standing who donate to become IAS Patron Excalibur or higher.

In other words, a wholehearted and phenomenal commitment of $5,000,000 — or more — is required to use the same magnificent pen used by COB RTC David Miscavige when he signs important decrees such as his recent proclamation that Flag Land Base has seceded from the United States and is now a sovereign nation just like the Vatican.

$5,000,000 is only money; an RTC burlwood pen is Eternity in your very hand!


Finally, by way of summarizing in order to conclude on a note of splendiferous epiphany, we in RTC are pleased to announce the arrest of 118,216 SP’s during OSA’s massive weekly SP Dragnet.

11 replies »

  1. I love you, OTVIIIisGrrr8!

    It’s good to see that you in the RTC are devoting your resources to projects of the utmost importance. Proper priorities are a must in clearing an entire planet. Keep up the good work!


  2. How many burl-wood pens could a Silver Marmot eat if a Silver Marmot could eat burl-wood pens? My wood chuck friends are curious.

    I think I qualify for the Patron Maximus Glutinous Award, do you get gout and diabetes with that??


  3. On equally important, “COB fiddles while Rome burns” matters, COB RTC David Miscavige ordered the construction of the largest Gingerbread House in Pinellas County as devoted reader jgg2012 noted.

    On display in the foyer of The Fort Harrison, COB’s Giant Gingerbread House is, like Project Mouse Table, an epic breakthrough of both historical and future importance even as it is vitally urgent right now in Present Time on the stage of world history:

    We in RTC hasten to point out that the public can’t just wander into the Fort Harrision and gawk at COB’s giant Gingerbread House. Any wogs who walk in off the streets uninvited will be promptly tazed, handcuffed, and arrested for trespassing and interfering with a religion.

    If you want see COB’s giant Gingerbread House you have to call ahead for an appointment: 727-467-6860. Visitors can expect to be strip-searched — and this includes an aggressive and thoroughgoing check of all bodies cavities for drugs, hidden electronic devices, syringes, and the other sorts of illegal paraphernalia that wogs are known to hide deep inside the gritty recesses of their unwashed meat bodies. Happy Holidays!


    • Oooh! Magical!

      That MUST have been COB’s idea. If anyone else had taken time away from raising their production stats to even suggest such a frivolous pursuit, I am sure COB would slap them into next week. But Fleet Admirals don’t make mistakes, so this is surely the best possible use of RTC resources.

      I’m curious, will Sea Org members be allowed to sustain themselves on this delicious edifice once the holidays are over? That would replace a lot of rice and beans. Think of the savings for you in the RTC!


      • Actually, Fleet Admiral Miscavige has taken up residence in the Gingerbread House at Flag. He says it is “tracky” for him because he is a last lifetime Keebler elf.

        It is a fact that the Keebler elves began in Philadelphia, the birthplace and childhood home of Fleet Admiral Miscavige:


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.