Tag Archives: SMERSH

Scientology’s New Year’s Resolutions

The 100% Fully Ethical and On Source Scientologist applies KSW to his or her life and ruthlessly stamps out all sources of suppression. Are you doing your part to help Clear the Planet?

We in the Church of Scientology firmly resolve to be a fully Ideal Church in every way in 2018. We therefore make the following resolutions:

1. We will raise all prices 4000%

2. We will savagely destroy the internet and all other sources of entheta.

3. We will spy on more SP’s than ever before. We are spying on you right now.

4. We will tap the phones and hack the e-mail accounts of all SP’s.

5. We will mail COB’s Ecclesiastical Dildos to everyone we hate.

6. We will make insane videos attacking the Psychs, SMERSH, the CIA, Interpol, the Marcabs, Big Pharma, the Martians, and everyone else who is trying to stop Scientology.

7. We will erect a 1000 foot tall statue of COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige in Hollywood. This will be the tallest statue in the world.

8. Scientology Media Productions will broadcast something in 2018. We’re not sure what or where, but SMP will broadcast something. It will be much better than Leah Remini’s Emmy-winning show Scientology and the Aftermath.

9. We in RTC will immediately hand an SP Declare to any Scientology celebrity who brings Scientology into disrepute. We will no longer coddle these horrific monsters.

10. We will stop the godless Russian Communists from raiding our Orgs every other week. What the Russians call “financial crimes and fraud” we call the 100% correct application of  Scientology:


Welcome to the Church of Scientology – Indoctrination for New Members


Welcome to the Church of Scientology.

You have made a very wise decision to improve yourself through the use of our highly effective spiritual technology.

An exciting spiritual adventure awaits. Our copyrighted spiritual technology will allow you to precisely date locate, re-experience, and thereby erase all of the painful engrams stored in your reactive mind. And as you move with GAT II’s fastest-ever speeds up the Bridge to Total Freedom, you’ll quickly become a Clear who has no reactive mind — and then onto the summit of the OT levels!

Scientology’s electropsychometer — or “e-meter” as we call it — will probe the deepest recesses of your prurient, festering, and filthy self-absorbed mind, thereby relieving you of your hidden evil purposes and the vast reservoir of guilty secrets that lay hidden just beneath the surface. We know what makes you tick and it is not good.

The e-meter is your friend and so is your auditor. Likewise, all of us in the Church of Scientology are your friends.

We care so very deeply about you.

It is for this reason that you must, while in the recorded sessions with your auditor, unreservedly confess to us all of your horrible crimes and sins in order to free yourself. For example, we must know the intimate details of your secret drug-fueled masturbatory orgies. What detestable fantasies run through your head during these assuredly self-hating bouts of onanism?

And what of embezzlement, grand theft, or any other felonies you have committed and do not want the authorities to discover? We need to know the details of just exactly what you did, how you got away with it, and how much money is involved. Please be assured we can certainly make “problem money” go away very quickly thereby relieving you of any undue concerns.

As for your current marriage or primary relationship: If the other person is not a Scientologist, or is not willing to promptly become a Scientologist, why then they must be gotten rid of immediately. Drive them from your life now! If needed, we are quite proficient at helping make these hateful anti-Scientologists go away and even disappear. The same applies to any of your friends who are not friendly to Scientology. We are very friendly. As Scientologists, however, we simply do not care to associate ourselves with Suppressive Persons (SP’s).

SP’s are quite insane and are actually criminals. As such, SP’s are opposed to anyone getting better by using Scientology’s safe and effective drug free solutions to life.

For your own safety you must stay away from SP’s. We will tell you who and who is not an SP.

We are the most ethical group on the planet.

Your secrets are unquestionably safe with us.

Your auditing sessions are recorded only for internal training purposes.

You must help us help you. You must never try to hide anything from us. You must never keep any secrets from us or attempt to hide any money from us. You must never run away from us and make us come after you because we will.

Please do not confuse our intense love and affection for stalking. For instance, if you come to home to find your fellow Scientologists conducting a detailed inspection of your residence and possessions, you need not be alarmed. We are simply acting in your best interest by taking away from you those possessions we feel could harm you. Such possessions include, but are not limited to, computers and all other devices capable of connecting to the internet or placing calls to your so-called family and friends. We have issued you a two-way radio. You can call us if needed. When we call you on your radio, and we will several times each hour to check in on your progress, you must answer.

Instant obedience is the way of life in Scientology. You must use every waking moment to improve and perfect your instant obedience and commitment to the Church of Scientology.

You will be precisely indoctrinated in order to achieve the absolute state of spiritual enlightenment. This is achieved by a strict monastic regimen of painful and soul-rending confession, malnourishment, beatings, and sleep deprivation. While this intense monastic regime results in alternating states of giddy euphoria and abject self-debasement, we assure you this only a temporary state. Indeed, when the “extreme crisis phase” of this exalted spiritual state reaches its climax, the reactive mind rather unexpectedly and permanently erases. Suddenly you “go Clear” because you are Clear.

We will present you with a handsomely framed certificate verifying the State of Clear you have reached. This certificate may be displayed in your home. This certificate is all the proof needed to verify that you are an advanced spiritual being whose IQ and abilities mark  you as being better and smarter than the seven billion inferior people on this planet who are not Scientologists.

It is an actual scientific fact that when you improve yourself using Scientology you are vastly superior in every way to what we secretly call “homo saps” or “wogs”, i.e. non-Scientologists. You will eventually become an Operating Thetan, or “OT.”

And when you become an exalted OT VIII like Tom Cruise, you too will know the seventy-six trillion year old hidden Nazi history of Psychiatry. You too will be the only one who can help at the scene of an accident.

This completes your “Welcome to the Church of Scientology” Level 1.

Our uniformed security personnel will now escort you to Room 5A. There we need you to quickly sign some paperwork authorizing the Church of Scientology to implant a micro-GPS device behind your left ear. This device includes a sound chip. Should you fail to answer when we call you on your radio, this device will emit an undulating shrill pitch until you answer our call.

Wog Encirclement

Wog Encirclement

An Essay and Call to Action by Comrade Dr. Frank Wonderman


Comrade Dr. Frank Wonderman.
IAS Legion of Golden Honors with Crossed Swords Status

What are the facts which our Church of Scientology comrades have forgotten about, or which they simply have not noticed, or about which they have doped off?

What our dilettantish comrades are not noticing is the Wog Encirclement of our Ideal Orgs.

What our lazy and puerile comrades have forgotten about is that we have a Planet to Clear.

Chairman Miscavige appeared yesterday for the Grand Opening of the People’s Organizations of AOLA and ASHO.

But what did Chairman Miscavige see with his own eyes?

He saw Wog Encirclement on all sides. Los Angeles has not been cleared and is in fact plotting on all sides against the Church of Scientology.

Chairman Miscavige additionally saw spectatorism of the worst type.

Man_eating_pizza_photoHe saw boorish, lazy, and indifferent public Scientology comrades who appeared at the Grand Opening only as spectators and only to stuff their faces with free pie, cake, and pizza.

And even when fortified with carbohydrates and sugar, these lazy Scientology comrades refused to make a howling charge over the ramparts to attack and destroy the Wog protesters who were situated a mere ten meters away from the Org.

 This is what Chairman Miscavige means when he speaks of Wog Encirclement and how Scientology comrades refuse to do anything about it.



We have an accepted habit of chattering about Wog encirclement, but our comrades don’t want to ponder about what Wog encirclement means and the dangers it poses. No, they would rather gorge themselves on pie, cake, and pizza while mouthing platitudes from the Founder – as if mouthing platitudes were a replacement for smashing wog protesters and obliterating Wog Encirclement.

Wog encirclement — it is not an empty phrase; it is a very real and unpleasant phenomenon. It reads on the meter.

TSAR.DAVEIs it clear that for as long as we have Wog Encirclement, we shall have wreckers, spies, diversionists, and obliterators sent to our rear by agents of SMERSH. This is what happened yesterday and it is why Chairman Miscavige left in disgust and revulsion after ten minutes.

The fact is that Church of Scientology is swimming with spies, defeatists, and wreckers who seek a return to an imagined time in the 1970’s when they claim things were so much better.  To which we say, “Come Up to Present Time!”

OTVIIIisGrrr8! 2012 in review

We in RTC just received our 2012 stats from the WordPress stats helper monkey and wish to share them with all of you SP’s who made it possible. We received about 12,000 views in 2012. Given that we started in late September, that averages over 4,000 views per month. We hope to 5.4X our stats in 2013 so that we are not beaten and sent to the RPF.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 12,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 20 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Alex Jones Attacks Psych Drugs and Defends Guns

We in the Church of Scientology were delighted to see Alex Jones use killer TR’s to attack NWO/Big Pharma puppet Piers Morgan, the SP who wants to take guns away from Americans.

Alex Jones correctly cited Psych Drugs as one of the central problems in America — not guns. If we in RTC did not know better, we would swear that Alex Jones was an OTVIII, and we mean this as a compliment. We in Scientology love our guns. No government on this planet will ever take away our guns or e-meters!

We in RTC were pleased to see Alex Jones challenge Piers Morgan to a boxing match. We quite agree that people sometimes need to be hit, kicked, choked, or punched — and this is particularly true for pushy foreigners, wogs, and Sea Org members who backflash COB.

COB RTC David Miscavige commented that he would like to hire Alex Jones as Scientology’s new spokesperson because the pasty Tommy Davis never cut it and Karin Pouw is an embarrassing joke. COB said that Scientology needs someone like Alex Jones who can impinge and really drive home the fact that conspiracies are real. It is quite true, after all, that a giant Psychiatry Conspiracy exists to destroy the Church of Scientology and that members of Anonymous are paid by the Psychs to attack the Church.

COB RTC David Miscavige Saves America from the Fiscal Cliff

We in RTC are pleased to announce that COB RTC David Miscavige singlehandedly saved America from going offer the fiscal cliff, this thanks to his heroic behind the scenes efforts in getting Congress and the White House to cognite on the need for fiscal sanity.

“COB basically gave President Obama and Congress a cram on Ideal Org finance policy and how to use it to save America,” said Scientology spokesperson Ken Delusion.

As a result of his intervention in saving America, President Obama awarded COB RTC David Miscavige a seventh Presidential Medal of Freedom in a ceremony today at the White House:


Mr. Miscavige is a regular guest at the White House where he is frequently called upon by the President and Congressional leaders who need his help in sorting out America’s problems.

Despite offers from both parties to be their presidential candidate in 2016, Mr. Miscavige has declined as he sees his work of Clearing the Planet as senior to that of being a wog politico.

Moreover, as COB noted privately in late night remarks to Sea Org Admiral Tom Cruise over scotch, Congressional leaders are weak and would whine and complain and carry on and on if COB had to choke, hit, kick, or punch them in the face in order to get their Ethics in.

“Wog politicos could never cut it in the Sea Org,” COB stated bluntly.

In other news, the 1,950,671,017 Sea Org members the world over joined together in sending COB RTC David Miscavige 3D flows for a happy new year:

Happy_New_Year_SirAnd so we in RTC join all of the Sea Org in saying. “Happy New Year Sir!”

You can trust we in RTC when we say that 2013 is really going to be something for COB!

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige’s 14 Point Plan for America

While America plunges off the fiscal cliff and impales itself on the sharp jagged rocks of brutal tax increases, we in the Church of Scientology remain happily tax exempt and continue to flourish and prosper in a frenzy of straight up and vertical expansion of unprecedented magnitude.

In order to help America and Americans, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has created his 14 Point Plan for America.

RTC Chairman of the Board Mr. David Miscavige is in Washington D.C. counseling President Obama and Congressional Leaders on how to avoid the fiscal cliff by use of Scientology Finance Policy.

COB’s 14 point plan plan is easy to understand and will solve all of America’s problems:

1. Effective immediately, all government workers will be paid $10.00 per week. All so-called health care plans that only enrich Big Pharma will be cancelled. All so-called “pensions” will be cancelled as they are out exchange. “Growing old” or “being elderly” are just wog dramatizations; people can and should work until they drop their bodies on post.

2. Effective immediately, all private sector workers will be paid $10.00 per week .All so-called health care plans that only enrich Big Pharma will be cancelled as will retirement plans and the other financially draining nonsensical benefits that workers think they need. For example, teeth are designed to naturally fall out when they are decayed. Dental insurance plans are expensive and interfere with the natural order of things and so these plans will be cancelled.

3. Effective immediately, America’s so-called “health care system” is cancelled as it only enriches Big Pharma and lying medicos. The deadly and dangerous nonsense of vaccinating children against imaginary diseases such as typhus will end. Anyone who keys in an engram and has bodily somatics will be given a Scientology touch assist at their nearest Ideal Org for a flat fee of $100.Cal Mag will be added to the nation’s drinking water supply to ensure that all Americans destimulate from the various electronic incidents in which they are stuck.The Psych drug “fluoride” will be removed from the nation’s water supply. Touch assists, Cal Mag, and the removal of fluoride from drinking water will raise both America’s overall health and the national Tone Level.

4. Effective immediately, all out exchange welfare programs such as food stamps, medicare, and Social Security, and unemployment benefits will cease. Those who are dramatizing being needy, weak, sick, old, or unemployed will have to give up these serfacs and either work or starve.

5. All foreign aid will end immediately. Foreign aid is out exchange money given to criminal nations and this is to stop.

6. America will stop paying any money towards its so-called national debt. America will simply tell its creditors that they must wait a few years until the economy improves. Nations who call the US Treasury over and over demanding some kind of payments are to be put on hold and told to wait until the Treasury Secretary finishes his meeting. The Treasury Secretary is to be scheduled so that he is in meetings all the time and cannot come to the phone.

7. All R6 implant religions will lose their tax exemptions and be declared illegal. All of their assets will be seized by the US Treasury Police. The only true and legal religion in America is the Church of Scientology and the Constitution will be changed to reflect this fact. By definition, then, all Americans are now Scientologists.

8. All US Treasury Police and IRS Agents will be Scientology regges trained in clawing every last nickel out of people and prying gold teeth and silver fillings from the mouths of their victims as said victims kick and scream.  US Treasury Police and IRS Agents will have COB’s same ethics presence of cold chrome steel.


COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige demonstrates Scientology sec checking procedures to the US Senate Committee on Brutal Tax Collection Policy. The IRS and the Treasury Police will begin sec checking all Americans in 2013 to see if they have crimes against the US or are otherwise evading taxes.

9. All corporations will pay a flat 10% income tax to the US Government and a flat 40% of their gross profits to the Church of Scientology for our social betterment programs.

10. All individuals earning more than $10,000 per year will pay a flat 10% income tax to the US Government and a flat 20% of their gross income to the Church of Scientology for our social betterment programs.

11. IRS income tax audits will be mandatory for all US citizens as will IRS sec checks conducted by US Treasury Police. Those found to have crimes against the IRS will have all of their wealth confiscated and split equally between the US Government and the Church of Scientology. Tax evaders will then be conscripted into the Sea Org for one billion years. Pay is $10.00 per week.

12. All illegal aliens will be rounded up, issued green cards, and then conscripted into the Sea Org for one billion years.Pay is $10.00 per week.

13. All criminals in American prisons and jails will be rounded up, shipped to Montana, and then driven on foot into the vast wastelands of Canada.

14. All US schools will be converted into Delphi Academy schools and teachers will be paid $10 per week. Those students who fail to maintain a 3.0 GPA or higher will be conscripted into the Sea Org for one billion years. Pay is $10.00 per week.

COB’s 14 point plan will get America back on its feet in no time!