OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Church of Scientology Sues QAnon for Infringing Its Copyrights on Selling Fear & Conspiracy Porn

“We in the Church of Scientology are furious with QAnon!” roared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Selling paranoia and fear and implanting people is Scientology’s core business market,” Delusion emphasized. “QAnon has no goddamned business trying to cut into our lucrative Fear and Porn market. Neither do FoxNews or CNN! These rank amateurs don’t even know how to use sec checks, e-meters, and ecclesiastical beatings, sleep deprivation, and imprisonment to amplify the fear and paranoia!”

“We in Scientology put the message out there that people are infested and crawling with evil, violent, and sexually perverted body thetans and implants. We pretend this is a big secret, but in truth we want the message to get out there and scare the bejesus out of that percentage of people who will come running to Scientology for help. We played South Park for idiots in this regard. South Park thought it was exposing Scientology when those idiots Matt and Trey actually gave us a free high-exposure infomercial for free. Morons.

“We also have people fearful of an imminent Marcab mass landing in which the masses will all be lobotomized and fed Psych drugs to turn them into zombie slaves of the New World Order. Scientology has identified the Helotrobe implant, SMERSH, the between lives implanting stations on Mars, and other terrifying things. The only way to be free from these dangers is Scientology and lots of it; at least $500,000 worth at a minimum!”

“What does QAnon have — especially now that Trump lost? QAnon is trying to peddle its lame fear and conspiracy porn about the Russians or the Chinese. Bitch please! There is no reason to be afraid of a bunch of wog Commie punks, hustlers, and con artists. Putin can kiss Scientology’s rich white ass!”

“The real thing to fear are those millions of body thetans attached to your meatsack and whispering all kinds of freaky shit into your head which you then act out! If you feel that people are following you, that they’re out to get even with you, it’s because they are! Without Scientology’s help you’ll soon be dead or in prison!”

“Only we in Scientology have the answers,” Delusion assured the post-Trump public. “As for QAnon, they will be hearing from our lawyers very soon.”

1 reply »

  1. I don’t even know what Q-Anon is, I just want to get some of that cool Scientology Tech to make me an immortal Big Being cuz that pinch test on the e-meter got my attention big time. That’s some hot shit and it will surely make me impervious to any Marcab shit going down in the ‘hood. If those Q-Anon fucks are getting in the way of RTC, they better watch out. We’ve got the best lawyers in this sector of the guh-lax-ee and we know how to use them.

    Like

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