“Due to the highest ever straight up and vertical expansion resulting from Scientology TV, Scientology is now outsourcing some of its BT exorcism workload to the Catholic Church,” said spokesman Ken Delusion.
“The Catholics have been in the exorcism business since the time of Jesus,” Delusion noted. “And the exorcism business has never been better or more lucrative than today.”
“Exorcisms are up in the Catholic Church and Scientology by over 47,000%. What this means is that Psych drugs aren’t working because the real cause of all modern problems are demonic body thetans,” concluded Delusion. “SP’s can mock what Scientology teaches about how BT’s came to be, but SP mockery doesn’t change the fact of what happened 75,000,000 years ago. It’s all true and quite savage and ghastly.”
“Only Scientology can help,” Delusion emphasized. “But until we get 150,000 more GAT II auditors trained, we’re using Catholic priests on an interim basis.”
Scientology TV: Here we have a 75,000,000 year old photo showing the bomb bay of one of Xenu’s DC-8 spaceplanes. The gold boxes contain frozen humanoids ready for aerodynamic insertion into the principal volcanoes of Teegeeack.
In recent years, Xenu upgraded his spaceplane fleet from DC-8’s to 747’s. These new spaceplanes are more fuel efficient; they also carry far more thetans who are frozen in a 60/40 mixture of glycol and alcohol.
Contrary to popular rumor, David Miscavige is not Xenu.
Hillary had problems at Flag with the OT III materials, but once we handled her crashing misunderstood on BT’s she F/N’d and attested to having completed the level.
Scientology researcher Dr. Kool de Menthol today announced an historic, epic, and planetary-changing scientific breakthrough that conclusively proves the claim of Scientology: There are body thetans surrounding the host thetan.
Ordered by COB to perform scientifically-based research on exec strata to find the why for the massive international statcrash — a statcrash now in its eleventh consecutive year — Dr. Kool de Menthol employed a German made wide-field WWII-era Horton x-ray machine (model 851) to take panographic x-rays to see what sort of debris, radiation, shrapnel, wrong data, false computations, motorcycle parts, or implants were lodged inside the thick, banky, and counter-intentioned heads of exec strata members.
The first x-ray taken of ED INT’s head was shocking for it revealed his skull to be surrounded by a cluster of BT’s who are being skulls! The x-ray showed the skull BT’s putting lines and beams into ED INT’s head! Radiocarbon dating confirmed the BT skulls to be 75,000,000 years old (+/- 10,000 years).
The source of ED INT’s aberrated 1.1 conduct and his attempts to destroy Scientology on a planetary basis has now been located and can be handled in session — but only after the ED INT completes his RPF and makes up the damage he has done to the group.
Dr. Kool de Menthol recommends that all Scientologists get their heads examined immediately.
Artwork and concept inspired by and borrowed from: http://satisfixation.com/mpcu