COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige Hails Fake STAND Member Program as a Complete Success


“COB today congratulated Scientology phony PR front group STAND for reaching a milestone of 10,000 fake members,” Ken Delusion announced.

“These mocked up Scientologists now outnumber real Scientologists,” Delusion noted. “Which goes to show that Scientologists can create new and better realities, get the best parking spots, put out intention beams to get green lights at intersections, and postulate new Scientology parishioners where none actually exist.”

“It’s not fraud, it’s OT Magic!” enthused Delusion.

“And thanks to a new IAS grant, STAND can now purchase another 10,000 stock photos to use as STAND members. It really is straight up and vertical expansion in Scientology,” Delusion rhapsodized, his eyes glazed over and his smile fixed as if he were in another of his phantasmagorical and maniacal trances.

5 replies »

  1. These mocked up Scientologists come with none of the BT drama of Scientology’s usual cadre of Blown for Good dilettantes, which means no OSA files, no KRs, no nattering, and no CICS…meaning the savings from no longer needing truckloads of goldenrod justifies their expense at birth.

    The fact they’re born Clear with a one billion year commitment hard wired into their DNA is icing on COB’s cake. He’ll soon be able to fill stadiums with these hardest of hardcore Scientologists.

    Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Soon Scientologists will outnumber the rest of the world combined. COB has booked OT VIII Johnny Hartman for the next IAS Convention in Clearwater… A Clear day is coming.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The downside to this success is that real members of Scientology must adopt and pay full IAS membership dues for all fake members. Also, when you adopt a fake member you must pay for a full bridge in advance. Discounts are available if you turn over two pre-teens for Sea Org duty. Also, be a good Scientologist and purchase all new books, CDs and e-meters for them. Do not pass down your old ones or the surplus ones you have in storage. New ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. OK, Ms. B. Haven admits it. She’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. So how does one go about differentiating a meat sack Scientologist from a mocked up Scientologist? I mean, I don’t want to be going around writing a KR on some mock up, or doing TRs with a mock up or clapping and hip, hip, horraying with a mock up or trying to create a 2-D with a mock up. Well, maybe the 2-D mock up would be a good thing cuz then I can get just what I postulate instead of some other intention-ness that always gets so messy. I have never had a bad 2-D experience with a mock up, but I have had to do a few O/W write-ups that might be a bit embarrassing if they ever saw the light of day. Just sayin’…

    Liked by 1 person

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