“Following a closed-door Serious Reality Adjustment Session with Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige and his ecclesiastical lawyers, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg publicly apologized to the Church of Scientology,” announced Ted Torquemada, the Chief Inquisitor of the Scientology religion.
“Mr. Zuckerberg’s change of heart, his repentance, and his promise to purge all entheta and Black PR about Scientology on Facebook was helped by the fact that a group of twelve very dedicated Russian Scientologists did some digging and found certain very unsavory information on Mr. Zuckerberg’s private habits and secret associates in what is clearly the Facebook Cartel.”
“For their dedicated work,” said Ted Torquemada, “the following Russian Scientologists in the Main Intelligence Directorate of the General Staff (Unit 74555) are very highly commended and have each received a one million dollar cash bonus from COB:
“Twitter be handled next by Unit 74555,” Ted Torquemada darkly intoned. “Jack Dorsey has certain… predilections… that would harm Twitter’s stock if this information came to light.”
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged Black PR, Blackmail, David Micavige, Entheta, Facebook, Jack Dorsey, Main Intelligence Directorate of the General Staff, Mark Zuckerberg, Office of Special Affairs, Scientologists, Serious Reality Adjustment, Torquemada, Twitter, Unit 74555
“COB today congratulated Scientology phony PR front group STAND for reaching a milestone of 10,000 fake members,” Ken Delusion announced.
“These mocked up Scientologists now outnumber real Scientologists,” Delusion noted. “Which goes to show that Scientologists can create new and better realities, get the best parking spots, put out intention beams to get green lights at intersections, and postulate new Scientology parishioners where none actually exist.”
“It’s not fraud, it’s OT Magic!” enthused Delusion.
“And thanks to a new IAS grant, STAND can now purchase another 10,000 stock photos to use as STAND members. It really is straight up and vertical expansion in Scientology,” Delusion rhapsodized, his eyes glazed over and his smile fixed as if he were in another of his phantasmagorical and maniacal trances.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged church of scientology, COB RTC David Miscavige, David Miscavige, David Miscavige lies, Ed Parkin lies, fraud, IRS, lies, Linda Hamel Fraud, Linda Hamel lies, Office of Special Affairs, OSA, OSA busted, Scientology, Scientology lies, STAND, tax exempt fraud
Scientology Media Productions’ new show The Troika breaks all Scientology broadcasting records by averaging 1200 views per episode.
A simulacrum of the bloody severed head of President Trump was Kathy Griffin’s proposed example of what Scientology FAIR GAME should look like in 2017. Needless to say, Griffin’s visual did not go over well with focus groups.
Moreover, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige wanted something different than your basic Scientology head on a pike — and that’s why the depraved goons in the Office of Special Affairs called upon the services of George Remini and Dana Connaughton.
We in RTC have to agree that this gruesome twosome are far more offensive to our sensibilities than anything Kathy Griffin did:
After an intense 48 hour manhunt and dragnet conducted by over 1,200 members of Scientology’s security forces, it has been determined that Tony Ortega was not in Clearwater. Nevertheless, the threat of his mere presence in Clearwater resulted in a DEFCON 5 red alert and the deployment of all available security forces. Following the stand down order, Scientologists may safely leave their panic rooms and return to their course rooms.
“Flag Land Base is safe once again thanks to valiant efforts Fleet Admiral David Miscavige to safeguard Scientology,” said Church spokesman Captain Ken Delusion, CO of the Parishioner Action Response Allied Network Operational International Agency (PARANOIA).
“PARANOIA is in constant action within Scientology,” emphasized Delusion. “It is a dangerous world out there and PARANOIA is, for the Scientologist, all that stands between danger and safety. For this reason, Scientologists must double and triple their IAS donations to keep Scientology’s PARANOIA fully funded. The OSA Staff at the Scientology PARANOIA control center tracks all SP’s 24/7/365 and is ready to launch a full scale response as happened over the weekend when a possible Ortega sighting was telephoned into the PARANOIA Crisis Center.”
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged Alex Gibney, church of scientology, Claire Headley, Crisis Center, David Miscavige, DEFCON, DEFCON ALERT, donate, donations, Flag Land Base, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige, IAS, International Association of Scientologists, Ken Delusion, Leah Remini, Marc Headley, Mike Rinder, Office of Special Affairs, OSA, Paranoia, parishioners, Scientology Paranoia, Tony Ortega