A guest column by Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive Director of Parishioner Interrogation & Surveillance Services
The recent 1,000+ parishioner interrogations, or sec checks, my department has conducted revealed a shocking fact: Fully 95% of Scientologists will only admit to being Scientologists when they are in their Orgs!
Everywhere else these theetie-wheetie, dilettante, no-confront Scientologists pretend to be Wogs so they can “blend in” and not be ridiculed for paying a fortune to belong to a strange group of lunatic cultists led by a violent narcissistic named David Miscavige.
While these perceptions are utterly false, for indeed Scientology is the most ethical and sane group to appear on this planet in the last 75,000,000 years, the more important set of alternate facts at work are these:
- We as Scientologists have never been closer to making planetary clearing a reality
- There has never been a better time to call yourself a Scientologist
- Scientology is now 50% better than it was before GAT II
It is true. With the release of OTIX and OTX we are now very close to clearing the planet. And of course, as COB has stated, we need to make every Org and every Continent Ideal. We also need to shatter all suppression and blow all the stops to planetary clearing.
All of this costs money and so COB needs you to up your IAS status now. Accordingly, the Reverend Doctor Alfreddie Johnson is touring all of the Orgs to encourage Scientologists to up their IAS statuses. Up your status today and you will receive many special trophies, medals, and fancy gold lapel pins. These glistening prizes will, once again, surely make you proud to be a Scientologist.
Gotta love Alfreddie’s butterfly!!! It’s great!!! So ecclesiastic!!! It’s fantastic !!! And his medal and pins are shining solid gold. Gotta love it !!!
Dr. Frank Wonderman is a comrade in the truest sense, unhesitatingly utilizing P.I.S.S. to rain down showers of KSW on the Scientology community. Hail comrade!
I didn’t realize that I was going to get such a great stream of humor when I signed up for your email. Each one is very very funny. And they have the element of truth to them…which makes it even funnier.
By the way, I have a topic I would think would be funny.
Why not put out a PR release where Miscavige challenges the whole of the WWE wrestling federation to a cage match to prove he is not a pussy.
Or challenge the UFC champs?
Maybe show a picture of of him in his full size standing next to some of the guys…and railing on how his superpowers don’t matter to size.
Keep up the funny work.
*John Shoemaker * * 727-458-1121* *Indian Rocks Beach, * *IntuitiveJohn@Gmail.com*
On Wed, Jan 25, 2017 at 8:26 PM, OTVIIIisGrrr8! wrote:
> OTVIIIisGrrr8! posted: ” A guest column by Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive > Director of Parishioner Interrogation & Surveillance Services > _______________________________________ The recent 1,000+ parishioner > interrogations, or sec checks, my department has conducted revealed” >
Speaking of OTX, this looks promising…
Saw a sneak peak of the new Super Bowl Ad featuring Ken Delusion welcoming members to their very own OTX Personal Auditing Chamber, which is guaranteed to block out all external entheta.
Captain Whostolemycog is very highly commended for finding the lost tech of the OTX Personal Auditing Chamber during his work in the RTRC unit. We in RTC will have more to say on this miraculous tech breakthrough very soon.
The garbage bend is where it came from and now let us dump it into a deep hole and rid it. From a ex-scientologist.