A guest column by Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive Director of Parishioner Interrogation & Surveillance Services
The recent 1,000+ parishioner interrogations, or sec checks, my department has conducted revealed a shocking fact: Fully 95% of Scientologists will only admit to being Scientologists when they are in their Orgs!
Everywhere else these theetie-wheetie, dilettante, no-confront Scientologists pretend to be Wogs so they can “blend in” and not be ridiculed for paying a fortune to belong to a strange group of lunatic cultists led by a violent narcissistic named David Miscavige.
While these perceptions are utterly false, for indeed Scientology is the most ethical and sane group to appear on this planet in the last 75,000,000 years, the more important set of alternate facts at work are these:
- We as Scientologists have never been closer to making planetary clearing a reality
- There has never been a better time to call yourself a Scientologist
- Scientology is now 50% better than it was before GAT II
It is true. With the release of OTIX and OTX we are now very close to clearing the planet. And of course, as COB has stated, we need to make every Org and every Continent Ideal. We also need to shatter all suppression and blow all the stops to planetary clearing.
All of this costs money and so COB needs you to up your IAS status now. Accordingly, the Reverend Doctor Alfreddie Johnson is touring all of the Orgs to encourage Scientologists to up their IAS statuses. Up your status today and you will receive many special trophies, medals, and fancy gold lapel pins. These glistening prizes will, once again, surely make you proud to be a Scientologist.