“We in Scientology have long warned the public that reading the OT materials without proper preparations will cause a person to freewheel through their implants, catch pneumonia, and die,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“We in Scientology can confirm that former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg went on the SP site xs4all where he read the legally webbed OT materials. Sure enough, Nunberg began to freewheel through his implants and became quite insane as he babbled away on political talk shows like a drunken Pentecostal.”
“However there is more this story,” cautioned Delusion. “Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller is hot on Nunberg’s tracks. We in Scientology believe Nunberg read the OT materials in order to set up an ‘OT Insanity’ defense ahead of possible criminal charges.”
“This would not be the first time someone accused Scientology of driving them insane,” Delusion noted.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged church of scientology, Church of Scientology spokesman, Donald Trump, freewheeling, implants, insane, Karin Spaink, Ken Delusion, L. Ron Hubbard, OT Materials, Robert Mueller, Sam Nunberg
Dr. Frank Wonderman
A guest column by Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive Director of Parishioner Interrogation & Surveillance Services
The recent 1,000+ parishioner interrogations, or sec checks, my department has conducted revealed a shocking fact: Fully 95% of Scientologists will only admit to being Scientologists when they are in their Orgs!
Everywhere else these theetie-wheetie, dilettante, no-confront Scientologists pretend to be Wogs so they can “blend in” and not be ridiculed for paying a fortune to belong to a strange group of lunatic cultists led by a violent narcissistic named David Miscavige.
While these perceptions are utterly false, for indeed Scientology is the most ethical and sane group to appear on this planet in the last 75,000,000 years, the more important set of alternate facts at work are these:
- We as Scientologists have never been closer to making planetary clearing a reality
- There has never been a better time to call yourself a Scientologist
- Scientology is now 50% better than it was before GAT II
It is true. With the release of OTIX and OTX we are now very close to clearing the planet. And of course, as COB has stated, we need to make every Org and every Continent Ideal. We also need to shatter all suppression and blow all the stops to planetary clearing.
All of this costs money and so COB needs you to up your IAS status now. Accordingly, the Reverend Doctor Alfreddie Johnson is touring all of the Orgs to encourage Scientologists to up their IAS statuses. Up your status today and you will receive many special trophies, medals, and fancy gold lapel pins. These glistening prizes will, once again, surely make you proud to be a Scientologist.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged Alfreddie Johnson, church of scientology, David Miscavige, dilletantes, Dr. Frank Wonderman, IAS Patron, IAS Status, insane, International Association of Scientologists, Scientologists, SP's, Wog, Wogs