Scientology is not a Cult! Lots of groups dress in matching uniforms and fan out on Segways to distribute literature about the Psychs and their use of drugs to keep the Fourth Dynamic Engram in place.
Having returned home unexpectedly early from a business trip, New OVIII Juanita Romero walked into her bedroom that night and caught her husband watching… Scientology and the Aftermath!
“Scientologists are dealing badly with reality these days,” said Ken Delusion.
“The Glee of Insanity has set in hard and appears to be permanent. Even OT’s are on the verge of going Type III.”
In response to a recent survey of Scientology parishioners, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Ideal Orgs to install for-pay toilet paper dispensers. This will allow Scientologists to purchase either coarse of fine grade sheets of toilet paper.
“For the Church of Scientology to just give toilet paper away for free would be completely out exchange,” explained Ken Delusion, Executive Director of Bowel Movementology. “And so COB decided to offer coarse and fine grades of toilet paper. The fine grade toilet paper is “highly deluxe movie star grade toilet paper” and obviously costs a small fortune. This is the stuff Tom Cruise uses.”
“The coarse grade stuff is an economy tissue we purchase from Bulgravia. Made from recycled asphalt dyed white, it is rough but much cheaper. It is perfect for downstat Scientologists who lack the wherewithal and reach to afford the fine toilet paper.”
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged church of scientology, David Miscavige, Ideal Orgs, Ken Delusion, movie star toilet paper, no toilet paper, Scientologists, scientology spokesman, toilet paper, toilet paper dispensers, Tom Cruise
Contrary to popular belief, the Church of Scientology is not sinking like the ill-fated Titanic. Rather, Scientology is undergoing an intense Underwater Freezing Saltwater Purif that will take it down 1,000 meters under the ocean.
While this intense Purif will cause the immediate and permanent exteriorization of those Scientologists who can’t afford a ticket on a life boat, these downstat and financially weak Scientologists are an embarrassment to the Church. They can and must be disposed of quietly and without sorrow. May they arise from the depths as better and more able thetans in their next lifetime.
Dr. Frank Wonderman
A guest column by Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive Director of Parishioner Interrogation & Surveillance Services
The recent 1,000+ parishioner interrogations, or sec checks, my department has conducted revealed a shocking fact: Fully 95% of Scientologists will only admit to being Scientologists when they are in their Orgs!
Everywhere else these theetie-wheetie, dilettante, no-confront Scientologists pretend to be Wogs so they can “blend in” and not be ridiculed for paying a fortune to belong to a strange group of lunatic cultists led by a violent narcissistic named David Miscavige.
While these perceptions are utterly false, for indeed Scientology is the most ethical and sane group to appear on this planet in the last 75,000,000 years, the more important set of alternate facts at work are these:
- We as Scientologists have never been closer to making planetary clearing a reality
- There has never been a better time to call yourself a Scientologist
- Scientology is now 50% better than it was before GAT II
It is true. With the release of OTIX and OTX we are now very close to clearing the planet. And of course, as COB has stated, we need to make every Org and every Continent Ideal. We also need to shatter all suppression and blow all the stops to planetary clearing.
All of this costs money and so COB needs you to up your IAS status now. Accordingly, the Reverend Doctor Alfreddie Johnson is touring all of the Orgs to encourage Scientologists to up their IAS statuses. Up your status today and you will receive many special trophies, medals, and fancy gold lapel pins. These glistening prizes will, once again, surely make you proud to be a Scientologist.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged Alfreddie Johnson, church of scientology, David Miscavige, dilletantes, Dr. Frank Wonderman, IAS Patron, IAS Status, insane, International Association of Scientologists, Scientologists, SP's, Wog, Wogs