The September IAS Fundraiser Begins Now!

IAS.1

The September IAS fundraiser begins now! Vast and staggering sums of money are needed to fund these vital programs:

1. The Youth for Human Rights International RPF program. The dilettantes in YHRI and not slamming in Scientology ethics on the planet and are therefore guilty of HIGH CRIMES! They must be RPF’d as criminals do not deserve human rights.

2. The Way to Happiness security checking program. COB suspects that 99% of readers of TWTH are not following its precepts and therefore need hundreds of hours of grueling and face-ripping sec checks to find their overts and withholds.

3. The Super Power Introspection Rundown. Actual research has shown that Super Power completions are going Type III at alarming rates and need to be locked up in the Flag loony bin.

4. The GAT II End of Endless Repairs Rundown. GAT II has more problems than Anthony Weiner’s sexting. Seriously, there are 2,412 GAT II completions and yet they have needed 157,488 repair actions. OSA has found that SP transcriptionists altered GAT II in 2009. All of GAT II now needs to be scrapped and a new GAT II issued at the cost of hundreds of millions of dollars. And then the new GAT II needs to be translated into 15,901 languages including Klingon.

5. The Ideal Org Door Knob Problem. COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has discovered that every single doorknob in every Ideal Org was installed incorrectly so that they lock when turned. This is the why for the Ideal Orgs being empty: The door knobs lock themselves and so no one can enter the buildings. All door knobs must be immediately replaced with new door knobs that are installed correctly. By doing this, the Ideal Orgs will boom.

Donate now. Donate until it hurts. The very fate of the planet is at stake! COB is watching your every move and knows your every thought! There can be NO EXCUSES for not donating when the threats to Scientology are so very serious!

COB.NOISE

4 responses to “The September IAS Fundraiser Begins Now!

  1. Silly question…but, for those of us in Loma Linda, how is the “September IAS Fundraiser” different from the July, August, or October IAS Fundraiser?

    Nevermind, we did find an entertaining song to sing along with while we write our check…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You forgot the most important campaign: the ideal toilet campaign! Ideal pooping – COB loves it.

    Like

  3. No offense, but COB RTC Mr. Capt’n David Miscavige found the wrong why for item number 5. Obviously the correct door knobs were used, but they were installed backwards. When installed in the correct position, floods of public can freely enter and they are then sequestered by regges, MAAs, SO recruiters, IAS regges, FSMs of all stripes, etc., etc. Just get those wog construction workers to word clear the installation instructions and those existing door knobs will be just fine.

    Like

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